The Sandbox

There is a Jedi training academy in New York City. No, your eyes aren't failing you... it is for real.

The N.Y. Jedi School is the choice destination for fan-boys looking to straddle the fine (read mostly nonexistent) line between geekiness and athleticism. The school focuses almost completely on teaching the fundamentals of lightsaber combat.

The head of the school, a fellow named Flynn, who sports the title of "Jedi Grand Master" says that padawan learn the physics of the lightsaber, and then applicable martial arts in order to bring lightsaber duels to life.

The fact this school didn't exist when I was ten is the single greatest disappointment in my life.

I felt better when I learned the Jedi Grand Master consulted the force and revealed that similar clubs are being started all across the nation. Oh, the possibilities...

I can see it now. The recess chapter would be more fun than running genetic experiments on Ewoks (you know you thought about it). Varun Lella, editor of recess, would be Yoda. No, he's not 900 years old, but like the little green guy, Varun possesses the ability to own you in a fight while deceptively looking as peaceful as a Tibetan monk. Not that I know from personal experience, or anything. Music editor Bryan Sayler would be a young Obi Wan Kenobi and managing editor Alex Warr would be Anakin (seduced by the Dark Side but redeemed in the end). Chronicle Editor-in-Chief David Graham? Emperor Palpatine.

I guess that makes me, the new kid, Luke Skywalker, but not so effeminate. I have no idea who the female members of recess would be, but don't blame me, it's not my fault Star Wars is sexist and has no female Jedi that matter. Sure you could pull up random names from Episode I, but then I would have to recognize Jar Jar Binks, which is something I refuse to do.

Man, that would rule. With our awesome Jedi skills we could accomplish great and meaningful things like beating on UNC students and using Jedi mind tricks to rob people of their first-lot parking spots.