Love in the time of college

Midway through spring semester of his freshman year, Eric Roberts was approached by a close friend at Duke and propositioned to act as witness for a shotgun wedding at the Durham County Courthouse.

"I said OK, and they did the short version," said Roberts, now a junior, recalling the ceremony. "'Do you take her to be your wife?' and a notary."

Though marriage is rare among upperclassmen and virtually unheard of on East Campus, Roberts had reason to anticipate the wedding. The groom had moved his pregnant girlfriend into his Pegram Dormitory double after his roommate relocated.

When the baby was born shortly after the marriage, the newlyweds were forced to move off campus because University policy does not permit child-rearing in a dorm room.

Even among the scarce contingency of Duke students who are engaged and married, this instance was particularly exceptional.

Roberts himself is in a very serious, long-distance relationship that he anticipates will result in a wedding after graduation. Though he is not formally engaged, he said he would get married now if it were up to him.

"I am going to follow her," he said. "She's the one with the aspirations."

At a university of high achievers, Roberts' willingness to sacrifice professional opportunities for the sake of a serious relationship is uncommon.

"I think about myself in high school versus myself now, and I realize I won't be the same person in 10 years," she said.

Seniors in relationships face the increasing pressure of post-graduation plans. O'Flynn knows couples who have decided to move to the same city, and others who plan to break up.

In both cases, however, careers factored heavily into relocation, and this would take precedence were O'Flynn in a relationship herself.

"I wouldn't move somewhere for someone else," she said.

Lisker characterized Duke as being typical of many colleges, noting that students at highly selective residential colleges are often against the idea of early marriage. At religiously affiliated schools and larger public schools with larger populations and fewer traditionally aged students, marriage is more common, she said.

This past fall, sophomore Katie Mahon was asked to be a bridesmaid in one of her best friend's weddings. Over Winter Break, it was "all wedding talk" among her friends, Mahon said.

Back home in Rogers, Ark., some of Mahon's friends are simply at different stages in their lives, she said. Many-including the bride-to-be-attend the University of Arkansas.

"I know it's a wide stereotype," she said. "But some people tend to get married earlier there."

At Duke, Mahon said many people are very surprised to find out that her friend is their same age.

"People are still figuring out who they are," Mahon said. "[Duke students] seem to want to use their 20s to start a career.. We're still just as worried about social relationships, but we try to have both."

In a society in which roughly half of all marriages fail, according to government statistics, it is not uncommon for college-aged students to wed and divorce while they are still young.

A sophomore, who asked to remain anonymous, was invited to the wedding of a classmate during her freshman year. She found out months later that the marriage had ended by way of the Facebook's news feed feature.

"It said she was single again, and her name had been changed back to her maiden name," she said.

Roberts said fellow students react in a variety of ways when he tells them about his plans to marry his girlfriend. "It's usually a condescending, 'Oh, how great that is,'" he said. "Most people think it's ridiculous."

A common denominator among his critics is a feeling that he is missing out on something, Roberts said. But imbedded in the judgment, he suspects there is a sense of intrigue and envy.

"Most people think it's just a serious college relationship," he said. "But I've known since freshman year that I'm going to marry this girl."