Twice as many Americans can name American Idol winner Taylor Hicks as recent Supreme Court appointee Samuel Alito, according to a poll by Zogby International.
Pathetic, no? In this revered system of government we call a democracy (hell, in the country that invented democracy), shouldn't we at least be able to name the leaders who exert so much control over our lives?
Don't fret, my ignorant fellow Americans, recess has the solution. Let's put this Supreme Court justiceship squarely where the television viewers of America have decided it belongs: on the matted-down, salt-and-pepper head of Alabama's own Taylor Hicks.
On the Supreme Court, Justice Hicks would bring a much-needed spark to the currently stale (read: Viagra-guzzling) judicial branch. When things get slow, he could grab Ruth Bader Ginsberg by her frail fingers, swing her on top of the bench and break it down to the tune of "Takin' it to the Streets." And forget about dull, lifeless judicial opinions-Justice Hicks' writings would be packed with more soul power than James Brown in his Sunday best. The Washington Post would write, "Despite Justice Hicks' unprecedented jurisprudential decision to grant domestic and international terror surveillance powers to the 'Soul Patrol,' his speaking voice has come a long way, and he looks great up there."
Seriously, folks, Dubya's poll numbers are slipping, and we can't think of a better remedy than adding a wildly popular, mildly talented singer to one of our government's top posts.
And why stop there? Studies show Americans can also name Snow White's seven dwarfs better than Supreme Court justices. Why not invite the little guys on board-Dopey, Sneezy, the whole crew? Add in Chief Justice Jack Bauer to make it an even nine, and my friends, you've got yourselves a Supreme Court everyone can agree on.
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