Behold! JACK knew something was missing from Duke. Was it a communist graduation speaker? No. Was it a sustainable social scene? No. Was it a bloodthirsty wild penguin plague, cutting an insatiable bloody swath of 1,200 dead or wounded, leaving the administration to waffle on whether to call it an act of terrorism at the behest of Stephen Miller? No.
It's a Champion of Power. True, ultimate, mind-boggling, stupefying, chick-depantsing Power. It's time for the First Annual Official Duke Tournament of Power, sponsored by Pontiac, the Ultimate Performance Machine, and featuring many commercials by Coach K for Chevrolet. Everybody else has tournaments-the NFL, NBA, NCAA hoops, NCAA Foot. nevermind. Point is, it's time for Duke to crown its Champion. Behold [above] you the bracket for the sixty-four entities that will contend for the Scepter of Destiny, held uncontested for the past 30 aeons by the University Marshall-whoever the hell that is.
And who will be calling the action but beloved and much-shurikened JACK BAUER'S BIDET?
No one. That's who.
The tournament will play out all this week, with the first matches beginning around 2 p.m. today. So make your picks, start your pools, and don't ever stop rocking.
For in-depth analysis, notes from the selection committee, and updates and summaries of all the action, check out http://dukepower.blogspot.com.
Seriously.
JACK will be there with you throughout the whole tournament. And when you see only one set of footprints in the sand, where you needed JACK the most-that's when JACK was carrying you.
Let this abomination unto the Lord commence.
On the seventh day, Garver Moore rested. He also went to the bathroom, and while His attention was diverted, JACK took control.
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