5. Short track speed skating. Affectionately titled "Rodeo on Ice," this sport finds skaters racing in circles around a 120-yard ice course. Exciting but pointless. Also not that great for getting publicity and endorsement deals, unlike bobsled (Cool Runnings).
4. Luge. The luge is a primitive Olympic sport in which one man or woman lies on his or her back on top of a small metal sled while flying down very slick ice surfaces at speeds in excess of 60 miles per hour. The object of the luge is to finish this course in the shortest amount of time without dying. Sign recess up.
3. Skeleton. If the luge didn't get your blood flowing, the skeleton offers all of the luge's danger and excitement, while lying on your stomach facing forward.
2. Curling. While now somewhat of a cliché, the sport of curling does combine the use of a broom and large metal stones, a surefire combination for fun. It is painful to watch, especially when excellent plays are made and the slow-motion replays begin.
1. Biathlon. Jerry Seinfeld once said the biathlon was akin to a sport in which you "swim and strangle a guy." The comparison is apt. This sport consists of a cross-country skiing course occasionally interrupted by a set of targets, which competitors must shoot with sniper rifles. If only Dick Cheney could ski, he'd be a natural. (Ba-dum-ching!)
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