Recesstop 5

5. A troubled Simp. recess knows the marriage is over but a certain Simpson is still coping. And no, not in the arms of Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera. The tabs are reporting that she's sought "therapy" in the wake of an avalanche of breakup rumors. We're sure Simpson hasn't been sent off to rehab. But really, we have inside info actually: Jessica Simpson is cheating on Nick Lachey with... Pokey.

4. Costume of the year. Wait, Franklin St. wasn't supposed to have parades on Halloween- that's not a float! That's a group of kids masquerading as a giant haunted purple HOUSE with shingles (!), ambling among the peons like one of those big bugs from Starship Troopers.

3. Turning to fake news for real news. Daily Show spinoff The Colbert Report has trumped neo-con pundits like Bill O'Reilly at their own game. He swaggers. He struts. He steals recess' heart. And Colbert's already been picked up through 2006.

2. Isn't she like 60? As the most rollicking use of an ABBA song in at least two decades, Madonna is definitely back with one of the most electrically thrilling club songs since well, not Madge's last album, but her last last album. After going by a new moniker (Esther), following the new hot trend (betraying the Pope) and writing a series of successful children's book, the Material Girl has already charted on American radio and scored a, well, material comeback.

1. The reign of K-Fed. The nation has been in an uproarious clamor for hickalicious Kevin Federline's freestyling. At least Britney believes that. And maybe puppies Bit Bit and Bambi do too. But the rest of the nation, I'm not that sure. And, of course, a leak of premiere single "Y'all ain't ready" verifies his overall skeeviness. We're sure it will be a hit. Really.