A Night in the Life of Recess

1:03 p.m.– Jon turns on the lights.

1:04 p.m.– Former California governor Gray Davis pops out of closet, turns lights off with a stern glare.

1:05 p.m.– Duke Police ticket Gray Davis’ illegally parked car.

2:16 p.m.– Cinelli’s pizza, ordered the night before, finally arrives.

2:43 p.m.– Jon takes cigarette break.

2:46 p.m.– Yoav arrives to interview Collective Soul.

2:58 p.m.– Yoav completes interview, spikes phone between legs, and slaps Jon high-five a la Techmo Bowl.

2:59 p.m.– Collective Soul calls back, wonders why they were hung up on.

4:00 p.m.– Varun calls from photo assignment at McCafe, claims to have found lost love over McGriddle, unsure how to proceed.

4:01 p.m.– Jon proves clueless, but requests a “to go” McGriddle delivery.

4:56 p.m.– Design guru Julia enters office, removes feather topped hat, poking Jon in the eye.

6:03 p.m.– Actual work begins.

6:04 p.m.– Jon takes cigarette break.

6:59 p.m.– Yoav angrily demands beer, Jon turns to him with peace offering: “McGriddle?”

7:35 p.m.– Hilary arrives, rest of staff bows head in shame, realizing issue is written on third grade level.

7:36 p.m.– Staff goes back to the drawing board.

9:37 p.m.– Robert and Corinne, vol. 8 editors, arrive, this s*** goes bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

10:02 p.m.– Mayor Bill Bell calls, suggests recess change name to Reality-cess.

10:30 p.m.– Chronicle Editor Karen Hauptman announces mandatory steroid testing, Robert, creeps out door declaring, “I’ll be back by mid-year next year.”

10:45 p.m.– Time for food. Sean suggests “Pop’s Pizza.” The silencer of Matt Dearborn’s pistol makes only a small “pop” as Sean is neutralized.

10:52 p.m.– Katie steals Because of Winn-Dixie press kit, sneaks into back room. Crying is heard.

11:12 p.m.– Jon needs another cigarette break.

11:14 p.m.– The coup d’etat is underway.

11:18 p.m.– Slava officially takes control of recess.

11:46 p.m.– Gray Davis awakens from catnap. Eyes blinded by lights, he sneaks away, down the stairs into darkness, where he is most comfortable.

11:52 p.m.– Noises are heard from fuse box.

12:00 a.m.– Chronicle staff wonders why lights have gone out.

12:01 a.m.– Davis is back.

12:04 a.m.– Jon returns. Cigarette break? Not at that length. Anthony Vitarelli is seen leaving Flowers building, guilty look on face.

12:12 a.m.– Slava agrees to “peace plan.” One story per week on the North African Wind Chimes Coalition and their plans to cover Durham in a large cloth (for acoustic reasons). No more stories about Bison.

12:22 a.m.– Chronicle decides to steal cover story for front page. Jon shotguns a beer.

1:00 a.m.– recess is done. No, seriously, forever. Karen announces entire staff was “positive” for steroids. “Replacement Recess Staff” is immediately brought up from the minor leagues. There is lots of crying. —Brian McGinn and Jon Schnaars

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