Advice for procrastinators

As a second-semester senior, I have suddenly been afflicted with a disorder that prevents me from beginning coursework before approximately 1:45 a.m. And as a major in psychology, of course, I must attribute this condition to some grand defect which I cannot precisely identify.

If I were simply able to accept the inevitability of this procrastination situation I could probably live a relatively normal existence while burning the post-midnight oil on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I hold out hope that the next time I sit down I’ll be able to read more than six pages of chapter 19, “The Baroque in France and England” in History of Art, Volume II or compose even one-half to one page on why globalization either does or doesn’t exist.

My human contact coefficient has certainly suffered but I’ve discovered some things that might help young matriculants:

1. When you’re up late, it’s always you people ask to take them to the emergency room when they do something stupid.

2. Local Jazz station 90.7 FM WNCU is great to listen to while studying and there is a Hip Hop show Saturdays 7 to 10 p.m. that mixes local and national artists. Steely Dan is also a good option but don’t screw around with skipping tracks or mixing up the songs because they put them on the album in the order they were meant to be heard.

3. Consume Dunkin’ Donuts Original Blend Coffee, Mighty Leaf Orange Dulce Tea and Ants on a Log for sustenance.

4. The library will pretty much buy any book or movie you want, and then you can check it out and renew until you’re done with it.

5. After you spend a summer in New York City, you’ll always want to go back, especially late at night.

6. Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. are two names for the same place, and they’re both pretty gross.

7. Submitting your résumé to a website is usually pretty useless. If you really want the job, do your best to get in touch with a real person. That said, I was fortunate enough to become an October Juror for Elle Magazine’s 2005 Non-Fiction Readers’ Prize purely through electronic communication. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

Chances are, most of the rest of these senior columns will tell stories about how their authors got involved with The Chronicle or how they’ve have had an amazing experience the last four years, or they’ll attempt to convey some earth-shattering life lesson—at least that’ll be the case if the columns are anything like they have been in the past.

I only first got involved with The Chronicle early last spring and have proceeded to write approximately ever other week since then, although I have had some double byline Thursdays as a result of my magnificent ability to fill the Recess Sandbox space. All I’ve ever done is written about things that interested me in a fashion that I would like to read and, on occasion, simply in a style that I felt like writing at the time.

Insert section here about how it’s really the people that make your time at the Chronicle so valuable.

So there you have it, the culmination of a marginally illustrious, undeniably existent career in journalism. It’s hard to say whether I’m defiant here for effect or whether these lines reflect my true sentiments toward the newspaper. I do like how all of our articles are archived on the web so future students up late cobbling away at homework can peruse them once they’ve exhausted the rest of the Internet.