Bollywood meets Jane Austen in Bride

Director Gurinder Chadha rides the international success of her 2002 smash Bend It Like Beckham with the more daring spectacle, Bride and Prejudice—her Bollywood take on Jane Austen's classic romance. Bride is a ‘great’ film the same way Bat Out of Hell or I Get Wet are ‘great’ albums: it's a self-conscious, operatic, sensory body blow. How well Western audiences will receive an over-the-top musical-melodrama like this, however, remains to be seen.

Nevertheless, Bollywood’s bold foray into mainstream American cinema certainly sent the right ambassadors: hot chicks. Miss World 1994 Aishwarya Rai leads a cast of gorgeous, full-figured Indian women (sorry, boys—no nudity). If nothing else, the voluptuous Rai, who gained a well-distributed 20 pounds in order to look less like a supermodel, is a pleasant contrast to Beckham's no-carb Keira Knightley. Rai brings class and elegance to the Elizabeth Bennet role (with a name change to Lalita Bakshi), but her Mr. Darcy is more dud than stud. Mediocre Martin Henderson (The Ring) is the son of a hotel magnate who visits India and falls in love during the film’s first and best musical number—a heart-pounding, hypnotic extravaganza that sets a precedent the rest of the film never lives up to.

Outspoken Lalita and outclassed Darcy ignite a chemistry that is a little, well, absent. But when Bollywood wants romance, then by God they'll give you romance: long walks on the beach (complete with gospel choir), dancing in the rain, faraway looks and sunset kisses…in the Grand Canyon—call it vibrant, call it obnoxious, at least it's authentic Bollywood.

The rollercoaster cinematography is jarring and the plot twists could have been stolen right from The Young and the Restless, but that's all part of the show. Nitin Ganatra is a hoot as Mr. Kholi, the L.A. accountant on the hunt for a 'traditional' Indian wife, but despite his best efforts (and even quotes from Gloria Estefan), the laughs are a little too few and far between. Easily-distracted American audiences may tire of the drawn-out musical numbers. The best of Bollywood has been bottled and is ready to go global, but it looks like the rhythm just isn’t gonna get you.