Sandbox

What’s the difference between Cassius Clay and Cat Stevens?

When Cassius Clay became Muhammad Ali, he became champion of the world; when Cat Stevens became Yusuf Islam, he became champion of mediocrity.

I know what you are thinking: How could Cat Stevens possibly become more mediocre? Well, apparently finding his religious calling only accentuated the corniness of a Sixties quasi-icon who clearly took one too many rides on the Peace Train.

In honor of Yusuf Islam’s deportation last week, I took the liberty to download some of his Arab-language music onto my new iPod (and you said it had no educational value!). And let’s be honest—if the government thinks he’s a terrorist, they probably won’t let him sue me.  Beyond the utter pain of hearing a tambourine-hand shaker back-beat to the theme chorus of Thank You Allah, his music lacks any creativity and leaves us guessing why exactly is he thanking Allah? But, the worst part about the song is it gets stuck in your head the way all his miserable-catchy songs do.

Islam does seem to find a less nauseating song with A Call to Prayer, which is sang in Arabic and accompanied by the sounds of morning birds and reverbed to simulate it being piped through the public speakers over a Muslim city. As with all of Stevens’ older songs, this one has gleeful melodies, and his soothing voice, though to our benefit he sings words we cannot understand. As the Arabic chant stretches over a rhythmic beat, you can almost imagine that he is still singing about Where the Children Play.

The administration has taken steps to rid this Wild World of the clear evil of corny lyrics by giving Stevens a ride on The Wind. And while The First Cut is the Deepest, we can only hope that Stevens will rebound from A Bad Night, and help us once again Remember the Days of the Old Schoolyard.

We’re Ready. — Yoav Lurie