Just over three week until Myrtle, but let's be honest, you've pulled three all-nighters in a row and your social life has degenerated into trying to get drunk by making cameos at Easter Communion or Passover Sedar--or both.
Never fear, we're here hear to deliver the solution to all your problems: drugs! Well, not those real drugs that would violate the "University Standard" of proper Duke behavior, but cool legal drugs that go right along with the conformist ideals of working hard and actually going to class.
You already have options, but Red-Bull has too much sugar, and coffee stains your teeth. Behold! Energy Strips (www.energystrips.com), the newest craze-sensation popping up in sleazy drug stores and posh parties far and wide, are like Listerine strips and a double mocha frappuccino mixed into one. Anytime a late night gets later or a slow class gets slower, pop one of these mint-laden strips on your tongue and watch as it melts away and shoots chemicals to your brain--just like acid!
Packed full of taurine, titanium dioxide, caffeine and I suspect a touch kedamine or morphine to boot, they'll get your heart racing like a lab rat.
Unfortunately, as I learned from copying someone's science for non-majors notes: "What goes up must come down." So, be careful of the sudden fall in energy after a couple hours. Or just keep popping them all night to postpone the crash a little further. Sure, the packaging hints that finishing the pack at once might kill you--but that's the price you pay for being studious.
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