A wise man once said, "Come on come on/ Feel it feel it/ Feel the vibration." Recess didn't understand the wisdom of Marky Mark and his Funky Bunch at the time, but now it all makes a lot of sense.
Our recent enlightening discovery was that of revolutionary website www.DialanOrgasm.com.
Their two varieties of cell phone attachments, the "Phildo" (phone+dildo) and the "Butterfly," allow you to "harness the vibrations of your mobile phone and concentrate them on the area they are appreciated the most."
The Phildo, with its phallic design, is best used in the manner of your traditional Jack Rabbit for vaginal stimulation. The Butterfly is a more covert clitoral stimulator that can be utilized in those lengthy Tuesday-Thursday classes, during a boring wake or at your next court date.
The way it works is this: You adjust your phone's alarm to the vibrate setting. Then, set it to sound each minute until you've reached the promised land. Even with most phones' intermittent, rather than continuous, pulsations, our subjects found the experience to be, at worst, very satisfactory.
In colors aqua blue, lavender pearl, pink shimmer and violet shimmer, this 100% medical grade silicone device is advertised as fitting "almost all phones." In our investigation, "almost all phones" loosely translates to: "fits some phones better than others." Nokia and Sony-Ericsson models seem to correspond best with these charming accessories, while Samsung, Motorola and other flip-phones are more of a struggle.
Before you log on and place your order, though, be forewarned that DialanOrgasm declares its product for novelty use only. Kind of like Viagra.
--Sean Biederman
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