----XXX----Recess does Debbie----XXX----

Mistaken Identities

"She kind of looks like Loretta Lynn in Coalminer's Daughter."

"Is this the music from 'Sanford and Son?'"

"Hey, is that Walter Payton?"

"Is that Gallagher?"

"Is that Andrea from '90210?'"

"That looks like the guy who played Booger in Revenge of the Nerds."

"Man, George Plimpton was slumming it."

"I like the tender music they're playing now."

"He has back-fat. He'll never be a Pi Phi."

"They've been having sex for way longer than I thought was customary."

"His sack looks kind of like a Koosh ball."

"This really speaks to her ability to multi-task."

"That actress looks really kind and motherly."

"By today's standards, he's making it a hostile work environment."

"She's lucky he did take his Levitra this morning; otherwise it'd be a whole different show."

"You know, being an older man, his standards of monetary negotiation are probably skewed. He's like, 'Take your top off, and I'll give you a shiny nickel.'"

"I used to be in a punk band called Forest of Horrible Pubes."

"This is like Faulkner."

"Oh here comes some plot... oh, nevermind."

Questions

"You don't wear a bra when you're cheerleading?"

"Did any of you actually cheer once? Was it like this... or no?"

"Who let the ugly chick talk?"

"Is that a guy or a wax sculpture?"

"Is that porn star wearing control top hose?"

"Was it Keats or Shelley who said, 'Stop, drop, kaboom, baby, rub on your nipples?'"

"If the roles were reversed and the guys were the sex objects, what kind of store would they work at? Would it be like, 'You wanna come help me and Mrs. Hardwick out at the Taco Shop?'"

"Do you think they could have buffed out that girl's elastic burn from her shorts around her stomach?"

Ejaculations

"Debbie, don't do it!"

"Wow, that looks like MY ass!"

"I've actually had a similar shower experience... but with 300 lb. men... it wasn't as cool."

"Munch that average ass!"

"It looks like she's birthing Buckwheat."

"Hey, I can see her kidneys!"

"Somebody kill that spider... wait, that's not a spider, that's hair."

"It's like two hairy flank-steaks slapping together."

"I want one of the sex scenes to finish up with, 'I'm 14 and you're going to prison!'"

Conclusions

"Wouldn't it be funny if this was just the most ill-conceived piece of abstinence education ever? Like, at the last minute, she's gonna get up and say, "You know what, this doesn't feel right."

"This is somewhat awesome."

"I feel a lot closer to everyone in this room, like we've done Outward Bound or something."

"My God, there's hair everywhere."