On David Walters' potshot at country music's Billy Ray Cyrus:
"I think that this is a very sarcastic, rude, and uncalled for article regarding Billy Ray Cyrus. Billy Ray, like everyone else, including David Walters, has made mistakes. I've seen so many of his efforts to help people that go unnoticed, and he likes it that way. He doesn't do it so people can praise him for the kind heart he has. Likewise, he could careless [sic] for the ignorant David Walters' of the world and what they have to say."
--Patrick Gear, Wisconsin Rapids, WI
Dear Patrick--I've seen the error of my ways. I now have a full mullet and every episode of the PAX TV gem "Doc" on Laser Disc. Clint Cassidy rules.
On Dean Chapman's assertion that Joan Rivers is "over sixty and still sexy":
"Hello... I noticed your comment describing Joan Rivers as sexy and hilarious of which she's neither. Let me tell you about sweet little Joan. Twenty years ago Karen Carpenter died of anorexia; Joan, being her usual hilarious self, wondered aloud why everyone seemed to express sympathy. After all, according to Joan 'the girl hadn't sold a record in 2 years.' Yeah, Joan is still smoking."
--Al, Ohio
Dear Al--Channel more of your hatred towards a worthier target: Melissa Rivers.
On Natalia Antonova's review of Mystic River:
"DEAR SEAN PENN I SURE WOULDN'T GO SEE YOUR MOVIE IF I GOT IN FREE YOU AND TIM ARE TRAITOR AND TREASON TO THE UNITED STATES OUR COUNTRY YOU NEED TO CHANGE AND QUIT GRUMBLING AND PRAY INSTEAD OR YOU ARE GOING TO HELL."
SINCERLY [sic] BETTY A WALDRON
Dear Betty--We have no affiliation with Sean Penn, but we think you're adorable.
On Katie Latanich's Matrix review:
"In response to your article about the Matrix Revolutions film, I try and shed some light on its significance. Despite practically every critic slamming it, I want to give you my perspective. It does not give you all the truths to the film, but hopefully you will have a much higher appreciation for it. I warn readers, DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED." [The writer then proceeded to offer a 1300 word explanation.]
--Matthew Zullo
Dear Matthew--NERD ALERT! How about "Do not read this if you ever want to get laid again?"
On Hilary Lewis' look at politics and rock:
"I doubt if anyone is listening except to the overwhelming propaganda of the Bush admin. We see your country not gaining freedom but losing it day by day starting with the Patriot Act. No one in the US except the rich and powerful Democrats can really criticize the policy of GW. Most people have to hide their thoughts for fear of repercussion from a president that we in Canada feel is out of control with power, greed and his belief in the Christian God. God help you all. "
--Jim Barz, Canada
Dear Jim--Settle down, eh? Hoser.
On Gillian Barnard's view of same-sex kisses:
"Well this is what we call the X-generation and some of this [sic] things are quite mad but anyway we have to understand the end is near and some of this stuff is just but madness."
--Caren Dorah, Kenya, Africa
Dear Caren--We'd like to see Muammar Qaddafi and Robert Mugabe in a big lip lock.
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