Column: Patterns of our vertical and horizontal endeavors

There are a lot of things at Duke that continue to surprise me, but I would have to say that the dating scene in the Gothic Wonderland has been something that has kept me more entertained than anything else. With every new semester, I hear or witness something that I never thought of before. Nonetheless, if you happen to even partially listen to people whine about their relationship problems, it becomes clear that certain trends start to emerge. As diverse as Duke is, it honestly seems that a large number of people here fall under a handful of different categories.

Now the people that I'm talking about here are primarily girls, and I do so only since guys, for the most part, don't care and are indifferent to the idea of relationships. They aren't eager to talk or think about it and as a result, the driving force for most relationships becomes the female. Honestly, have you ever heard a guy say something like "how do you feel about us" or "we have to talk about where this is all going?"

So with girls in mind, it seems that most of them fall in one of two categories. On one side you have girls who date nice, boyfriend-material guys who look good on paper, and on the other you have girls who go for wild, bedroom-material guys who looked good at Parizades.

Now, before the PC police jump down my throat, this is just a generalization, and I realize that there are many exceptions to this stereotype. But you have to admit that this is a prevailing trend whether you like it or not. However, what's particularly interesting is the similarity of complaints that come from each side.

It seems that a lot of students at Duke who indulge their carnal desires in the joys of the hook-up culture expect that their hook-up will lead to an actual relationship at some point. This is particularly true with a majority of girls so that after a number of hook-ups, they start being bothered by the fact that the guy doesn't want anything more than sex. The next thing you know, they're wishing he was more attentive and sweet and in general a nice guy. Yet at the other end of the spectrum the exact opposite thing is happening.

At first, the nice girls will get their nice guys and things will be going blissfully well. They'll go to the gardens and feed the ducks together; they'll profess their love for each other in every single one of their away messages; they'll cuddle while whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears and will engage in a plethora of other estrogen-laden, Lifetime-inspired activities such as these.

Furthermore, I bet that every single one of you has known a couple like this at some point. What makes things even better is that most times these couples are engaged in dormcest so that you and your fellow hallmates have a front row seat for all the drippy action. And as you learned at the Marketplace that one time you tried eating nothing but deserts just because they were free, it's only a question of time before this much sweetness makes you want to puke. My only surprise has been in finding out that often times, the girl will be the first one to start getting sick of it all.

It seems that in many cases, the girl will eventually start complaining about the fact that the guy is just too nice. And all of a sudden a series of problems starts bothering her. He's too passive, he's too indecisive, he can't take control and similar complains that seem to come with being a typical nice guy that essentially affect every part of the relationship, from deciding what to do on a date to more horizontal endeavors. Before you know it, that wild, take-charge, typical bad boy from the nightclub starts looking better and better.

But rather than finding someone new I've seen so many girls who think that they can change their nice guy around. Now, I consider myself an optimist, and it's true, people can change and be nurtured out of their shell to some extent but certain personality traits simply cannot be altered. You cannot show someone how to be decisive, exciting, spontaneous or freaky. They either have it in them or they don't, to the point that it almost seems genetic. They must have that one strand of DNA that says "you know, I've never tried that with whipped cream" or that one gene that says "hey, maybe three isn't a crowd".

Perhaps that's a joke but you get what I mean--you simply can't change someone into a more exciting, wilder person than they already are. But more importantly, isn't it better to figure out what it is that you want and have the guts to go after it? Often times at Duke, students have to make decisions between doing what's practical and what they want to do. Just think about selecting a major--you know that it would be more practical to major in econ, but you would rather major in English. Examples like this are endless, and the dating scene is just one of the areas that is affected by this kind of thinking. In a world of chronic overachievers, playing it safe can often come before being happy. So as the new year and the new semester get under way and many of you start to think about the future of the relationship you started last semester or get chills every time you remember that you have to have a major by March, just keep in mind that if you're not happy with your life it's ultimately nobody's fault but your own. Stuff happens and circumstances arise but at the end of the day it's up to you to make sure that you're living how you want to live. And since it is your own life, put practicality aside every once in a while, whether it be in your academic or social endeavors, forget how it looks on paper and simply go after what you want.

Emin Hadziosmanovic is a Trinity sophomore. His column appears every other Wednesday.