Perhaps it was the three research papers I had due during finals week, but leaving Charlie's one night my academic and social lives intertwined into a small epiphany. Walking back to Erwin, a girl friend and I were discussing the frustration of meeting great guys who you can't entertain ideas of involvement with for one reason or another. Sober as a nun and exhausted from what seemed an endless amount of work, I came to this conclusion:
"It's like every good guy I meet has an asterisk next to his name, you know, like Roger Marist and the homerun record. Each guy comes with these footnotes. It's asterisk: I live in DC, or asterisk: I have a girlfriend. Why can't I find someone without footnotes? I need a primary source!"
When I got home, I started to think about the whole idea of personal footnotes. Each of us possesses something that eligible suitors would want to know. What would it be like to have these items on display? Are the quirks, hang-ups, vices and traits something that change based on the guy or girl who shows interest? And more importantly, would being able to see one's footnotes change how we choose to invest our emotions?
The trouble with personal footnotes is that they're dangerous in both quality and quantity. For some people, there would only be one small footnote. But when that footnote is something like "I'm a pathological liar" or "I have a venereal disease so rare the cure lies undiscovered in the Amazon" it's more than enough to scare off an interested girl.
On the other hand, some people's footnotes would read like those e-reserves you pray for--you know the ones where half of the reading consists of footnotes alone. When a cute girl comes with a torah-like scroll of damages or a walk-in closet's worth of skeletons, you choose to leave her on the single shelf.
My cynical, New York sarcastic side automatically saw the bad footnotes. Clearly a person would want to see things like "I cheat on every person I'm committed to", and "I can't be alone so I date anything that comes along...including you." These people should come equipped with orange road work signs so you know the relationship will be like the adopt a highway program--cleaning up the emotional litter left behind by others.
Then the stereotypical, cheesy, I-own-every-Julia Roberts-romantic-comedy-ever-made-and-can-recite-any-one-from-memory side of me kicked in. I thought about the people who you would normally discount but who are the ones you should be spending time with. Like the girl whose footnote reads, "I'm totally not your type but will make you really happy" or the guy's that says, "You discount me as intimidating, but there's other aspects of me worth looking into." Think of how many missed opportunities we'd grab hold of if only we knew.
Once I realized my prattling might actually have enough substance for a column topic, I brought the issue to my friends to hear what they had to say. While playing yay-boo before the SAE Holiday Pajama party (insert my personal endorsement for off campus fraternities here) the ladies weighed in on my idea. Most laughed and said to go for it, thinking aloud what their footnotes would be. But then the optimistic Southern debutant chimed in, "No! Knowing all that hidden stuff ruins getting to know someone."
Now clearly this whole idea is hypothetical--we're never going to see people's issues flashing above their heads like neon signs when we meet them. But, in a way we are privy to footnotes. Think about the times you mention to a friend your interest in a guy where said interest is immediately shot down. Reasons may be as intelligent and thought provoking as "the girls he hangs out with are total bitches" or "I had a class with him and he never said anything." But when you receive information from a third, fourth or fifth party about a girl you like, it can affect your decision to pursue.
It's when we choose not to pursue someone based on footnotes that things get dangerous. Playing it safe and rational about emotions--a totally irrational thing--lies right in the center of the head vs. heart conflict. Allowing outside information or pressures drive your actions is never good for a potential pairing.
So now with the weeks of winter break to ruminate, I realize that footnotes are great for papers, but when it comes to personal life it's better to make the discovery--no matter how good or ghastly--for yourself. Getting involved with the wrong types is what refines our tastes. It's part of the potholed road we travel in finding future mates. And what about my search for a primary source guy? I realized a person without footnotes would be a painfully normal person who's as interesting as white toast.
So take this lady to the shopping outlets, because apparently what we all need are some slightly irregular romantic interests. Jen Wlach is a Trinity senior. Her column appears every other Wednesday.
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