'Along Comes' nothing we haven't seen before

Some people will like Along Came Polly. Those same people probably liked Duplex. These are the people that keep Hollywood in business, and these are the people that will forever stunt every sort-of funny actor like Ben Stiller from taking chances on films that aren't exactly like the last four he's done.

 

In case you've ever wondered what would happen if you put Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston in on the spin cycle together, Polly is the answer. It is every boring, predictable Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy smushed together with every tiresome, overdone Ben Stiller screwball farce, with no attempt made by writer-director John Hamburg to reconcile the two.

 

Stiller is Reuben Feffer, an insurance risk analyst who thinks he's finally found the right anal-retentive gal to settle down with. Unfortunately, when his new spouse (Debra Messing) takes more than just diving lessons from an island scuba instructor (Hank Azaria), poor Reuben finds himself heading back to the mainland alone.

 

Surrounded by his walking-punchline supporting cast (his boss, played by Alec Baldwin, funny in that "I'm-hosting-Saturday-Night-Live" way; and best friend, played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, funny in that "I-should-have-been-a-character-in-Old School" way), Reuben tries to pick up the pieces of the perfect life he had planned out. Instead, he picks up an old middle school friend, Aniston, as the free-spirited, flaky Polly. The wackiness that ensues as Polly penetrates Reuben's sedentary world is mildly funny at its best. At worst, it's as irritating as spicy food is to Reuben's sensitive bowels.

 

Though Stiller's antics get more screen time, most of the film's remotely appealing scenes revolve around Aniston's everyday quirks. In one scene, Polly desperately searches for her keys, eventually acquiescing to use the key finder Reuben got her. She traces the beeping to inside her refrigerator, marveling "How?" That's funny. That's clever. Maybe just a tad unrealistic, but close enough to home that it's charming. Here's something that's not funny: Reuben trying to unclog Polly's toilet with a $200 loofah, after an unfortunate bout with the aforementioned irritable bowel syndrome. Although to some audiences "embarrassment comedy" like this will never go out of style, either it or the sporadic attempts at sentiment are entirely out of place here.

 

Aniston maintains her dignity through it all, acting her part like she's in just another Picture Perfect romantic comedy. In fact, it's as though she's the only one who's not joking. Maybe the joke's on her: Aniston's grace can't save this train wreck.

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