When I think about the new catch phrase "effortless perfection", I get a lump in my throat. Some of its worst victims have been my best friends at Duke.
Mark Boyd, think about the anonymous editorial written several weeks ago by a courageous woman oppressed by a violent eating disorder and suicidal depression. If this causes you to "roll your eyes," then you must either be incredibly insensitive or you really do not understand. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. You do not understand. You are not alone. For many men at Duke, it seems ridiculous that their female counterparts could be so oppressed by something that they have never noticed. You are all lucky. Very lucky. In the case that you ever have a girlfriend, a daughter, a wife or a sister who suddenly morphs from a vibrant, outgoing, intelligent being into a scared, starved, withdrawn shell, please let me begin to explain.
I have helplessly watched several of my closest female friends at Duke wither away. Some have even left the school to regain a sense of themselves outside of their own personal Gothic Hell.
You might argue that I have chosen weak or depressed friends. Quite the contrary. My friends are strong, fun, well-liked and opinionated. Most women at Duke have at least one female friend who has suffered from effortless perfection.
Let's call it the "perfect disease." Common symptoms include bulimia, anorexia, obsessive exercising, lack of "self," depression, suicidal thoughts, oppressive fear of failure, and/or nervous conditions. Those are just for starters. I am sure that you have heard all of this and cannot relate.
Maybe if you tried this mindset for a day, you would understand just how perfectly awful the perfect disease is. I will let you choose your mantra for the day: I suck. I am fat. I am ugly. Everyone hates me. I am stupid. I have no friends. I am lazy. No one cares. Perhaps a combination might be most effective: I wish I could shrink myself into a tiny ball so no one would notice how ugly/stupid/fat/unpopular/lazy I am.
You might think this is an exaggeration. For many women, it is not. After a few days of repeating your mantra, you might start to see how devastating this condition can be. Studying will seem nerve wracking instead of engaging, social situations will appear daunting instead of fun, and eating at the Great Hall will be plain terrifying. I did not realize how awful the perfect disease was until a very special friend admitted her bulimia to me, completely to my surprise. In the efforts of helping her, I stepped inside her world. It was the scariest experience of my life. I felt like I had died and gone to hell.
This is a real problem that effects most women at Duke. The women who have "perfected" themselves into the most attractive, popular and smart women at Duke suffer just as much as women who have not been as successful with this cruel mind game.
I am sure that many women come to Duke with existing problems. We certainly cannot "blame" Duke for everything. From my experiences, this environment exacerbates rather than improves any pre-existing conditions. For this reason, we all have a responsibility to take action to make Duke a comfortable place for both men and women. Can a "Comfort Day" solve the deeply rooted issues of the perfect disease? In my opinion, it is a noble and thoughtful effort. Unfortunately, it is only one tiny step in a long process of changing the mindset of our campus.
I believe that a major step of this process will involve changing the sensitivity and awareness of Duke men to the perfect disease. I recently had a conversation with a guy friend of mine who does not really understand "the big deal about eating disorders."
He argued that "some girls don't get hungry and really like to only eat salads and healthy food." This is the perfect example of the ignorance and lack of sensitivity that we need to abolish.
Emily Kloeblen
Pratt '04
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