Reports out of Nashville, Tenn. confirm that country singer Billy Ray Cyrus credits divine inspiration as his main motivation for recording his newest album, The Other Side, which debuted two days ago.
According to Cyrus, who made tight jeans, mullets and limited musical talent fashionable in the early '90s, the Big Man Upstairs answered a request for guidance by the country star with a demand to "Go make the inspirational album that you've always wanted your whole life to make." Cyrus, never the type to turn down an omnicient diety or the chance to wear a sleeveless T-shirt and wiggle his hips, obliged readily.
The result is a gospel extravaganza that takes Cyrus and all seven of his die-hard fans back to "that Pentecostal church" where he grew up. Literally. It's the only place they could reserve for a record release party, and Billy's mom was going to make her world-famous cole slaw anyway....
When reached for comment, God Almighty was reluctant to confirm Cyrus' allegations. Looking up from three screens at his world control panel, one labeled "suffering in the world," one labeled "good will among men," and one simply titled "The Nashville Network," God explained that Cyrus misunderstood Him. "Sure I encourage all my children to follow their hearts, but my exact advice to Mr. Cyrus was to consider his options, you know? Maybe take some time off... sing to himself a little, or let some of these younger fellows have the country spotlight. That Brad Paisley is doing some groundbreaking things musically."
Billy Ray vividly remembers that immediately after his prayer, producer Billy Joe Walker, Jr. called him to pitch the gospel idea. Regarding this, God would only say that it was part of an elaborate heavenly joke spawned from the Almighty's love of "Billy" double names.
"Originally, actor Billy Bob Thornton and quaterback Billy Joe Tolliver were going to come walking up, and everybody was going to get a good laugh, but Cyrus got all flustered, and things went downhill after that."
God also denied having anything explicitly to do with "Achy Breaky Heart"'s commercial success. "That one even surprised me, and I usually see these things coming."
--David Walters
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