As one of the many undergraduate women who have dealt with bodily misconceptions, I sympathize greatly with the author of the Oct. 24 guest commentary,"Effortless Perfection?" The inability to measure up academically, socially, physically, or intellectually is something that is felt by every human being on this planet at one point or another. Unfortunately, the female realm often sees these "failures" manifesting themselves in one of the most natural and purportedly uncomplicated aspects of our daily lives: food.
It pains me more than I can say to know that there is not just one anonymous writer, but hundreds of college women here at Duke who engage every day in the quiet hell that is an eating disorder. It is about as dark and hopeless a place as anyone could inagine. But, I want to say that no matter where you are, I guarantee that there is a happier, more fulfilling life waiting for you on the other side.
Everything I've learned throughout my own experience points to the fact that this is something that we inflict upon ourselves. Yes, society is somewhat responsible for promoting the faulty idea that thinness equals happiness, beauty, success and every other wonderful thing in life. However, each one of us who struggles has at one point or another chosen to take that standard as our own. I truly believe that only once we decide to release ourselves from the prison of this unrealistic goal, the healing will slowly begin.
As a part of the Duke community, I understand that letting go of our efforts to obtain the ideal body is made all but impossible by our size-zero peers, by the pictures in the magazines, by the competitive aura that pervades both the ellipticals at the Wilson Center and the salad bar at the Great Hall.
The bottom line is that you can't change those girls that everyone sees and many of us want to be: the girls who spend hours on end at the gym, or limit themselves to 400 calories a day, or cry when they see their emaciated reflections in the mirror, thinking about how they will never be thin enough. What each and every one of us needs to realize is that this is not the standard we should hold ourselves to.
This is a never-ending pursuit of perfection that can end in death, or worse, an entire lifetime spent wasting time, energy and talent trying to achieve the intangible goal of perfection. At the end of our lives, what will we have to show for all of the calorie-counting, excessive exercising and time spent doting over and criticizing our own bodies? What will the anorexic have to say if her life is cut short due to complications from her disorder? "Well, at least I was thin." Is that really how I want to spend my few short years on this Earth? Is that what I want to accomplish with my talent and imagination and intelligence?
Perhaps the most important step in conquering the destructive body image was the embracement of the uncomfortable idea that no matter how hard I try, I will never be perfect, and sooner or later I am going to have to like myself in spite of it. I will probably get another C before I graduate, I know I'll skip another workout, and it's possible that the next guy I go out with will not call me back. And that's ok.
Perfection is boring; it's the mess-ups, the uniquities, the little idiosyncrasies that set you apart from the other bright, ambitious people at this school; that's why people love you for you. As Duke women living in a community that has not yet come to this realization, we must start the change within ourselves. Each and every one of us needs to engage in the fight against this impossible standard by learning to love herself first and foremost, not in spite of her bodily "imperfections," but because of them.
No, you still cannot change the girls who will not be happy unless they weigh less than eighty pounds; they may work at this for the rest of their lives. You can only keep yourself from becoming one of them.
Emily O'Brien
Trinity '06
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.