Hunger strikes--not Gandhi style, but 5:45 on Friday evening style. Food points are low and spirits are high, so the only question is where off-campus to eat. Around 7:00, an agreement is reached. We're going to Torero's.
Having parked behind Shooter's, we crawl toward the haven of pseudo-beefy delight like desert travelers seeking an oasis. The metaphor, however, breaks down when we find out the restaurant has been bought out by Sigma Chi and is being used for a date function. "Try any of our four other locations," says the owner.
Yes. That's right, Duke. Five Triangle Torero's. It was clear to us what we needed to do--go on a personal quest for the holy grail of gastrointestinal disorders and eat at all five.
Part I: Roxboro: C+
We decided to move from the outside in, and started our quest at the farthest location. It soon became obvious that this store, located in the mean streets of Roxboro, is the sibling that none of the other brothers speak of, and prompts a father to say something melodramatic like, "I have no son."
Décor: Dirty tables and dirtier silverware set the stage for the rest of the meal.
Food: Somehow, in five minutes, the restaurant managed to overcook food for four people.
Part II: Raleigh: A
The second least remote location featured compelling salsa sauce and music, with queso fit for a king. This is the brother that worked hard and went to MIT and calls once every few months to see how everybody's doing and whose mom brags about him being a lawyer and going to a school in Cambridge.
Décor: Offensive to Hispanics and others alike, not because of any unfair stereotypes, but because of the garish and obnoxiously loud colors.
Food: Delicious, piping hot and spicy!
Part III: 15-501: B
Located across from Rooms To Go and Macaroni Grill, this hole-in-the-wall features outdoor dining and barely legal drink specials. This is the brother that's dated El Rodeo's daughter for five months and is still getting some on the side from Vin Rouge's mom.
Décor: We wouldn't have known this was a Mexican restaurant if it weren't for the smell of burrito-chimichanga metamorphosis and the five-man line at the bathroom.
Food: At this point, it's all really the same.
Part IV: Ninth Street: C
Apparently, this is the store that delivers on points. This is the brother that gets picked on by all the other kids in the 'hood, like Cosmic and the Laundromat.
Décor: There really wasn't any room in here for decorations, besides the cash register and a little mural.
Booze: None
Part V: Home Sweet Home--W. Main Street: A++
Torero's firstborn child, sworn enemy of El Rodeo, and best friend of the Fishmonger. Sometimes, you get it right on the first try.
Décor: South of the border, baby! Plenty of seating, reasonable music and a Corona airplane spinning above our heads.
Food: Deliciousness abounds for all! Great portions of great steak, big tacos and chimichangas longer than any previously beheld by our eyes.
Overall: A++++++
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