Writing the Monday, Monday column certainly has its perks. During these past few weeks UNCLE EBENEZER and DJ RIDDLE have made some close friends in the administration, so we get pounds from Nan when we pass her in the Allen Building and Tallman Trask lets us call him T-dawg.
Thus, after classes were canceled last Thursday at 3:00 p.m., it was no surprise that Larry Moneta called us up at 3:01 p.m. inviting us to the Hurricane Party he was throwing at his house with all the gang. We figured that in the worst case we'd at least get to see Dean Willimon shotgun a Busch Light, so we jumped in our cars and headed to L-Mo's humble abode off of East.
We arrived just as Nan and Coach K were rolling up in their blue and white Lamborghinis. We were a little thrown off by Nan's "I took it up the tailpipe from Duke Parking Services" bumper sticker. Apparently no one likes those guys. As her husband Bob got out of the trunk with two large grocery bags, she looked at Coach K and smiled, "We cleaned all three Durham BPs out of Hurricane brand 40s." At the same time, Wojo climbed out of Coach K's trunk and put on his party monitor t-shirt.
The Scorpion's "Rock You Like a Hurricane" was already blasting in the house as UNCLE EBENEZER and DJ RIDDLE each grabbed a 40 and followed Nan up the front walk. Christoph Guttentag was manning the door dressed as a border patrol guard. As he checked to make sure that we were all on the guest list, he continually bragged that this was the most talented and diverse party that L-Mo had ever thrown.
Inside we were greeted by the sound of quarters clinking on the coffee table and Deb LoBiondo running by with a tap for the keg. Carl Franks had just won two games of quarters in a row and was boasting that he would shave his moustache if he won a third. Unfortunately, he was beaten by the guy who swipes Duke Cards at Wilson Gym.
As we wandered to the back room, we found Reynolds Price playing NBA Live 2K3 against Wojo. Price took an early lead despite the fact that Wojo had added to the Celtics a seven-foot-tall custom player, conspicuously named 'Steve W.' Things continued to go downhill for Wojo, but after a halftime chat with Coach K he began to lead with the heart and took the game into overtime. Will Willimon peeked his head in the room just long enough to call them all losers before heading to the backyard for the keg.
Not wanting to be branded a loser by our new friends, UNCLE EBENEZER and DJ RIDDLE headed outdoors to fill up our drinks. As Peter Lange struggled to tap the keg, Kristina Johnson explained the shear stress in the keg as compared to the aluminum's ultimate tensile strength. Dean Sue stepped up and called Kristina an 'enginerd' before jamming the tap home, flexing her biceps, and asking "which way to the gun show?" Peter asked Kristina where the rest of the engineering faculty was, but before she could answer, Dean Todd interrupted, "I got them drunk and dropped them off on Old Chapel Hill Road. They should be arriving by foot in a few hours." As William Chafe gave Kristina a disappointed look we filled up our cups and slowly shuffled back inside.
The quarters game had ended because Coach K wouldn't stop cussing at T-dawg.
As T-dawg broke out a deck of cards to play Kings, he made a mental note to never again wear a black and white striped shirt around Coach K. Trask went first, drew a King, and got to make a rule: "From now on every time you drink you have to say 'Tallman for President'." Peter Lange stepped in and drew an ace. UNCLE EBENEZER and DJ RIDDLE became very excited, as this meant it was time for 'Never Have I Ever.' Lange thought for a second before saying, "Never have I ever created the independent corridor on a dare from Little Duhon." Nan gave Larry Moneta a high five before he finished off his 40.
As the excitement wore down, Larry Moneta's roommate, Dean Lombardi, asked UNCLE EBENEZER and DJ RIDDLE if he could crash at our place if he got sexiled. We offered him our couch and turned to see L-Mo putting the moves on Coach Goestenkors.
Suddenly Bill Burig ran in yelling, "We're going streaking!" Before the clothes could be ditched everyone started shushing and L-Mo was at the front door talking to the cops. Tallman Trask slipped out the side door, Coach K hung up his cell phone and led Coach G out the back door, and L-Mo got a citation for disturbing the "general quietness."
After the cops left we asked Larry what happened. "I guess Dean Lombardi can stay here tonight, Coach K called the cops on me."
UNCLE EBENEZER and DJ RIDDLE are pretty sure that Nan evacuated Beaufort because she heard there were frats there.
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