The Sandbox: Letter from the Vice President for Student Affairs

Dear Undergraduate Student:

As you may have seen from this morning's Chronicle, our neighbors in Trinity Park and Trinity Heights, just off East Campus, were outraged this past weekend by the behavior of Duke students pushed into their neighborhood by the oppressive system that prevents them from playing here. Complaints included trash strewn about lawns, shallowness, public urination, having to wait in line for 45 minutes to get into a Beirut game, large groups of students (many reportedly drinking underage) bitching about being denied from Princeton and excessive noise. The Chronicle's headline, "Out of Control," aptly describes my understanding of the undergraduate social realities at this institution. Durham Police will be patrolling these neighborhoods aggressively over the next few weekends and will take a zero-tolerance approach to any future disturbances. Current investigations of sexual and physical assault will be put on hold until the off-campus party scene is shut down, or the detectives get new ping-pong paddles.

Our neighbors are people who have made long-term commitments to their city and neighborhood, the most significant of which is the investment in their homes. We are asking you to please be sensitive to their concerns and respectful of their needs, and when confronted, please refrain from flashing your DukeCard and shouting "Earning Power! What now, bi-atch." Under our new Community Standard, effective this fall, you are expected to conduct yourself responsibly and honorably in all your activities as a Duke student--unless you were admitted as an Athletic Reserve, Quadruple-Legacy or under our on-going Diversity of Character program. One of the university's greatest strengths is its student body, and we hope you will represent the university well in your social endeavors, just as you do in so many other ways.

Possible alternatives to acting like college students with no place to go include: croquet in the gardens; marathon sessions of straightening up and flying right; the hysterical wit of Saturday Night Live; Round Table; and Curriculum 2000.

Thank you for doing your part in making me look good.

Sincerely,
Mary Loneta
Overlord of Student Affairs