GRID PICKS

CAPE HATTERAS, N.C. -- With both the weekend and Hurricane Isabel fast approaching, the Grid Pickers donned their wet weather gear and set sail off of Cape Hatteras to see what all the fuss was about. The boat ride took a turn for the worse when the waves started to get bigger and bigger. "Rolling through Durham in a tricked out Im-" Paula Lehman turned green and ran to the side of the boat. Oblivious to any pitching and yawing aboard the S.S. Grid Picks was the eminently seaworthy Tyler "DiGiorno is sold in the f-" Rosen "food aisle," who was eating pizza that he thought was delivery. Matt "Buy Low," Sull- "High" -ivan was dispensing Dramamine to all seasick passengers. Everyone on board was careful not to mock any major ethnic group, lest they be lampooned in poorly thought-out columns in The Chronicle. Team Jail Bait, composed of "Right Said" Ted Mann and "The House of Seven" Gabe "les" Githens, chose to use actual bait to fish, but the rough seas prohibited them from catching anything large enough to keep. Mike "After I graduate, I'm joining the Peace" Corey kept grabbing the tiller and yelling: "I'm like Columbus! Get it? Columbus? Like where OSU is! And the explorer?" until everyone stopped listening.

Alex "Smarter than the average" Garinger was not on the boat, as he was on the road with the Dave Matthews Band.

The Gender Stereotypes, a team comprised of "G.I." Jane Hetherington and Kare- "in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" -n Hauptmann sat together up in the crow's nest, talking about girl stuff. Anthony Cross "by, Stills, Nash and Young" sang 60's folk songs, while the golden-voiced Andrew "I can hear it" Collins "in the air tonight" tried to drown him out with 80s soft rock. "The day that we beat Northwestern will be" Assad "day in Illinois" Nasr was heard making bold predictions about bowl games, while Robbie the "I'm super," Tank "s for asking" Samuel promised to grow a mustache if Duke beats Florida State. Catherine Sulli- Van "Morrison is my favorite songwriter" was struggling with a map, trying to find the route back to shore. As the Grid Pickers made their way back to terra firma, Betsy "Ronald" McDonald "is the most disconcerting corporate mascot since Colonel Sanders" passed out fleecy Australian boots to everyone. Well, almost everyone. Jesse "Sweet and Low" Colvin and Jake "The fact that my name is a verb in the present tense" Poses "no problem for anyone writing Grid Picks" were among those missing. Jesse was picked up by the Coast Guard and Jake was rescued by sea otters, who dragged him to safety.

As the Grid Pickers disembarked, only Malavika "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the" Prabhu remained on board, screaming "Bring it on, Isabel!" to the approaching storm, while Paul "Kennebunk is wicked cool" Crowley loudly stated that Hurricane Bob could have whipped Isabel's ass.