AAAARH. That's the sound of a frustrated pirate, foundering hopelessly in the Summer of Suck. Orlando Bloom can rescue me anytime, but Pirates of the Caribbean marks one of the few surprises in this summer's monotonous procession of second-rate sequels. The only thing worse than another sequel is another damn story about all the damn sequels--so, instead, we'll take a look at better things to come.
Chalk it up as one more excuse to watch the movie before (instead of?) reading the book: Orlando Bloom stars opposite Brad Pitt in Troy (2004), Wolfgang Petersen's adaptation of Homer's "Iliad." Orlando Bloom is Paris, Pitt is Achilles, and the great Hector is played by none other than Aussie newcomer Eric Bana, the big green star of Ang Lee's Hulk.
Quiet rumors of a Hulk sequel come as no surprise, following the deluge of comic-book adaptations. And now there's one more on the way: Halle Berry is slated to play Patience Price, aka Catwoman, in the 2004 film. Berry's no stranger to comic-book fare--you saw her as Storm in the long-awaited X-Men sequel (sigh) back when we actually looked forward to the things. Better still, following her stint as the baddest Bond babe ever in Die Another Day, we're even hearing rumors of a Bond spinoff featuring her character, Jinx.
Pity, the trappings of Bond-dom haven't been kinder to the man himself. Pierce Brosnan appears to be doing fine--a twenty-first Bond film, Brosnan's fifth, is rumored to be in the works--but original agent Sean Connery hasn't fared nearly as well. His latest, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, was, dare we say, an extraordinary failure, and bombed in box offices this month. Best remember Connery as the elder Jones of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Now there was a sequel worth waiting for.
And there's more to come. Luckily, Indy drank of the Holy Grail in number three, (which means, technically, that Harrison Ford is immortal.) Han Solo's pushing sixty from the wrong side--but in 2005, Stephen Spielberg returns with Indiana Jones Part Four!
Seems the other big names in directing have been busy as well--many of them doing, curiously, sort of the same thing. Currently in various stages of negotiation and production are four different films based on the life of Alexander the Great. Oliver Stone's project features Colin Farrell and Anthony Hopkins, while Martin Scorsese's reputedly stars, unfortunately, the boyish Leonardo DiCaprio.
And finally, from Ridley Scott, comes the historical drama Tripoli about William Eaton's nineteenth century campaign in Northern Africa, known as the Barbary Wars. Translation: another pirate movie. AAAARH.
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