Notice: We Want You!

To Our Readers:

Each semester The Chronicle holds its collective breath and, like a third-grade teacher asking her students for a volunteer to take home the class turtle for spring break, puts out a call for applicants for Monday, Monday-the editorial pages' weekly satirical column that pokes fun at everything Duke and (supposedly) takes no prisoners.

This semester, a grand total of six sample columns-some written by one author, some by two-were turned in. Those brave souls deserve credit for giving it the old college try, but frankly, we weren't impressed.

Our initial idea was to cancel the thing all together. Long controversial both inside and outside our 301 Flowers offices, Monday, Monday has never stood on solid ground. As the only weekly column in these pages, authors often find it difficult to consistently turn in a very funny, very clever take on a topical campus issue each Sunday afternoon. (This is no knock on Brett Couric, a.k.a. THEO HUXTABLE'S PROTEGE, by the way, who has fared far better than some others.)

So our inclination to cancel Monday, Monday at first seemed like a great idea.

But just as we know our readerships' lives are not complete without the daily crossword, we also realize that come Monday morning, with another long week of classes and work ahead of y'all, Monday, Monday-good or bad-is often just what you need.

Therefore, The Chronicle has decided to open back up our search for next fall's Monday, Monday. Applications are due May 9, which means you don't need to stress about it during finals week, and you can take beach week to come up with a sample column that should just knock us off our feet. (A warning: It's not a good idea for you to sit around on a Myrtle beach with eight of your best friends and write a column by committee like most Hollywood films are written these days.)

Columns should be kept to 800 words. Remember to take on a PSEUDONYM (put it in CAPS) and write from that perspective. If you want to use a gimmic, that's fine; but your content is what should be funny, not the gimmic. And for God's sake, no mention of Bill Burig, monorails or DSG. Well... if you must.