Like most of you, I've spent the past months agonizing over the war in Iraq. Whether you support the war or oppose it, I'm sure you've all been glued to the TV and newspapers, trying to come to terms with President George W. Bush's foreign policy and what it means for the international order of the 21st century. I'm no different. But because the issue of the war is such a complex one, I've held off my judgment, avoiding falling in line with extremists on either side. Today, however, I'm happy to announce that I've finally formulated an opinion, and I'd like to share it with you.
Iraq will achieve a glorious victory over the forces of the imperialist aggressor. Bush, the war criminal, is the worst warmonger in the history of the world. He is the Dracula of this generation, the international bloodsucker. He is the real terrorist. But his Zionist American troops will be cut down one-by-one by the sword of Saddam.
We all know America is soft. The illusion of power has raised America's arrogance to untold heights, but the colonialists will soon suffer a great fall. Americans are afraid of the sight of their own blood, and they will run from Iraq with their tails between their legs at the first sign of resistance, just as they ran from Somalia and from Libya. They murder innocent civilians from the safety of their airplanes, but they have no idea what is in store for them in Baghdad.
The Iraqi people, under the leadership of President Saddam, are the most courageous people in the world, and their army is the best-trained. They have been hardened by decades of war against infidel aggressors, and 12 years of criminal sanctions have not dulled their might. Nor have they been made soft and pathetic by decadent capitalism.
They will not buckle under a cowardly bombing campaign, and every man, woman and child in Baghdad will be armed and ready to drive the Zionists out. When this has been accomplished, the brave Iraqi people will rebuild their country and continue to enjoy peace and prosperity, guided by Saddam and his sons.
Even the idiot Bush knows this. So why does the infidel of colonialism persist? Perhaps he has been deceived by his Jewish advisors, Perle and Wolfowitz. But more likely, he is drunk with his lust for oil. He wants Iraq's oil so that he can sell it to the evil Halliburton Corporation, and also because he likes to bathe in it. The administration of lies will murder little Iraqi children and even its own citizens to make Iraq its new colony. But Iraq's oil belongs to the Iraqi people, to sell or bathe in as they please.
If you still haven't grasped the depravity of the Bush regime, I urge you to consider the following transcript of a telephone conversation between Bush and Blair, his British lapdog, which was intercepted over the weekend.
Bush: I like to gargle with oil.
Blair: Yes, President Villain, so do I. Whatever you say.
Bush: Do you know what I like best about oil? I like to have the donkey Ashcroft make a big vat of oil, and then I dive into it, like the American television character Scrounge McFowl.
Blair: Oh, absolutely, so do I.
Bush: I have to go now. But be sure to have your army kill more Iraqi civilians, or you will disappoint me.
Blair: Yes, sir!
There you have it. There is the evil and arrogance of the Gang of International Villains on full display. I have seen the evil, and my eyes have been opened.
The whole world sees this, just as it sees through the lies of the Little Dwarf. True, Bush has tried to assemble a "coalition" of "allies." There is the stupid Rumsfeld, the stupid Blair,and the ugly Jose Maria Aznar. Also the stupid Vaclav Havel, the stupid John Howard and the donkey Ashcroft. But all these "allies" have been coerced or bought.
The true friends of peace and freedom can never be bought, brave men and women like Jacques Chirac, Jessica Rutter and myself. So won't you join President Saddam and us in opposing this most unjust war? Long live President Saddam, and down with the imperialist war criminal Bush!
(In the interest of full disclosure, please note that Mr. Goodman has recently received a payment of $10,000 from the Iraqi Ministry of Information. However, his views do not necessarily represent those of the Iraqi government.- Editor)
Rob Goodman is a Trinity sophomore. His column appears every other Tuesday.
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