The Street Critics, The Real Critics

The Street Critics say:

On Japanese Tiny Tim-ette duo, Petty Bookah: "Brilliant! We stayed for four songs; if we'd stayed for the fifth, they would have sucked."

On British hype-splooge band of the moment, The Coral: "Within thirty seconds, we knew it would suck. But it actually got much better.... I mean, they didn't get better, but watching them suck worse and worse, beyond the point where one could reasonably expect a band to suck - that was entertaining as hell."

On the new Blur: "Why is it that when British musicians reach middle age, they feel the need to run off to Africa and get all influenced and shit? We end up with adult-contemporary percussion crap, every time."

The Real Critics say:

"Metal is dead! Mastodon will save metal."

"Ukranian gypsy punk theatre is dead. Gogol Bordello will save Ukranian gypsy punk theatre!"

"Garage rock is dead! The Mooney Suzuki has kicked garage rock off a cliff and flicked their cigarette after it; they're still grinning."