"To become president in this era, you have to go to a bar or a bowling alley or a diner and have people feel you belong there. The question is, can you hang out with them?"
That lofty standard has been set by Andrew Stern, president of the Service Employees International Union, the largest union in the nation, which will endorse a Democratic candidate next year. And the recent U.S. News & World Report article in which he's quoted underscores the fact that in the already-underway presidential race, the key issue is not the War on Terror, not the sagging economy, but the ability to hang out.
"The single most important attribute a candidate brings to a campaign is not his record but his personal qualities," says Stuart Rothenberg, a nonpartisan analyst. An Iowa activist says, "I remember when Dukakis came here. His eyebrows needed trimming and he was too short! We need tall and handsome candidates!" Charm, style, sex appeal - the electorate shares many of its deciding factors with sorority girls everywhere on Saturday night. You remember what happened to Al Gore, right?
Anyway, all this is bad news for Massachusetts Senator John Kerry. He's the Democratic frontrunner for 2004, having already locked up more money and better campaign staffers than his rivals.
Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to think that Mr. Kerry is an a------. U.S. News cites the following adjectives: "frozen fish," "arrogant jerk," "portentous," "stiff," "pompous," "off-putting," "pedantic," "perpetually phony," and "the personal warmth of an empty fireplace on a frigid night in Novosibirsk." It probably doesn't help that Mr. Kerry went to boarding school in Switzerland.
The good news is that the senator and his advisers seem to be aware of all this. Kerry's now showing up at campaign rallies wearing blue jeans and eating hotdogs - he's even installed an internal dumb-down sensor. Last week, he was overheard on the phone with a state senator: "That's enormous. I mean, that is really huge." You see, just in case the state senator thought he was an a------ for using a big word.
I suppose I admire Kerry's desire to win at all costs. But before he goes overboard and limits himself to a series of monosyllabic grunts, I hope the senator pauses a moment to ponder why likeability is so important in the first place. Why exactly do we insist that the president be able to sit down and have a beer with us? Is this the outgrowth of some noble Jeffersonian notion that our leader be a true man of the people? Is our intuition so gifted that we're able to figure out a candidate's "character" from how well he shakes hands?
I seriously doubt it, especially when most of us are never going to come within a thousand miles of the commander-in-chief. We want a likeable president because we are on a national ego trip. We want a president we can relate to because we secretly picture ourselves doing the job. After all, we have reality shows that can instantly make us a pop star or a millionaire - it's only a short step from "he can sustain a conversation with me" to "I'm just as good as he is" to "if he gets to be president instead of me, it's just because he's lucky." Thoughts like these make us feel good.
Besides, this is the Era of Self-Esteem. The one thing we cannot allow under any circumstances is for someone else to be better than us. We like our public figures flawed. That's why we've elected a string of presidents who, for all their talents, each had an obvious fault: charisma-less Bush Senior; lecherous Clinton; dull George W. We may suffer in our quality of leadership, but none of us feels threatened by the six o'clock news.
What we need is a moment of national humility. Let me be the first to say that I want the next president to be smarter, richer, and more attractive than me. I want him to be confident enough to know that he is. And I want him to be too occupied with presidenting to waste time talking down to the likes of me.
I myself am quite an accomplished man. So when I say the above about myself, imagine how much more it goes for you.
That's why I urge you to support John Kerry in the upcoming primaries. I trust that having read this column, he'll return to his arrogant self. After he's done that, his true self will shine through: a Yale-educated war hero worth $600 million. I'd say that in all respects he's a categorically better human being than I am. If he should be an a------ to me, I'd probably deserve it. And he knows I'd deserve it, which makes him more likely to be an
a------ to me, which, as I've said, I really wouldn't mind.
So, Senator Kerry, I'm proud to endorse you for president.
Mazel tov, jacka--.
Rob Goodman is a Trinity sophomore. His column appears every other Tuesday.
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