Despondently smoking stogies in the highly flammable Recess office last week, we reminisced of the times when we had all the women, the fastest cars and the phatest ice around. Now, left with nothing but a golden mommy van, two matching candy necklaces and a pair of broken hearts, we were determined to find the root of our lack of luck with girls. We found it at www.whoohoo.co.uk.
Since everyone uses the exact same pick-up lines and says them in neat, undiluted English, switching to cockney slang was our obvious solution. And this website allows you to convert any English saying into the much more alluring cockney tongue. Look out ladies, 'cause these Bo-le Of Glue 'orny sons of Ronald Riches 're comin' for ya:
Nice shoes. Wanna f--k?
Nice Rhythm and Blues. Wanna donald duck?
I think I'm in heaven because you look like an angel. Can you take off your shirt so that I can check for wings?
I fin' i'm in 'eaven 'cause ya butcher's loike an angel. Can ya take Frank Bough your Dicky Dirt so that I can goose's Gregory Peck for wings?
You're so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.
Ya're so Peas in a Pot I could Tu'penny Post me meat on ya, Basin Of Gravy.
You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day.
Ya must be Cream Crackered, you've been runnin' through me Chinese Blind aw day.
Hey honey. That's a fine ass you've got on you.
'ey 'oney. That's a Calvin Klein butte you've got on ya.
Quick, somebody call the cops, you just stole my heart.
Hurry, somebody call the chuffin' Cozzer's, ya just stole me Horse and Cart.
- Scott Hechinger and Greg Veis
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