Column: Child's play?

The bell rings and it's recess at Global Elementary School. Little Georgie strolls out to the playground and glowers at Saddam, one of his classmates. "Stay cool," Georgie tells himself. "I'll get him soon enough. I've got work to do today."

He meets his best friends Colin, Donald and Condi. "Okay guys, we've been talking about taking care of that jerk Saddam. He's so sneaky, and I know he is planning some kind of mischief. It's time we do something, before he gets us. I was thinking we should get a bunch of kids together and egg his house so bad he's gotta move out. What do ya think?"

"That's a great idea, Georgie," replied Donald. "I'll get the eggs."

Colin hesitated for a minute, but a stern look from Georgie was all the convincing he needed. "All right, I'm down," he said. "I'll talk to some of the other kids and get 'em on board."

"And I'll go get us some juice and cookies!" added Condi.

"Good girl, Condi," said Georgie. "I'll go talk to Tony. Even though he's kinda goofy and wears a retainer, he makes a good cheerleader."

And with that the four friends set off around the playground. They were all excited about finally getting Saddam. He'd always been so arrogant and obnoxious, wearing that fake mustache and putting drawings of himself all over the classroom. Plus, the gang was convinced his clever mind was cooking up some mischief.

But deep down, Georgie had another reason for wanting Saddam out of the neighborhood. Georgie's dad once told him that there was buried treasure behind Saddam's fence. The treasure fascinated Georgie, and it was on his mind as he met with Tony on the playground.

With his friends working on the plan, Georgie sat down under a tree to study his spelling lessons. "N-U-C-U-L-E-R," he spelled to himself, with a puzzled expression. Soon his friends appeared, looking a little nervous.

Tony began to speak: "A lot of kids aren't happy about our plan. They don't really like Saddam, but they think this is too extreme. They aren't as convinced as you he's got mischief on his mind. Even the kids who live right near him aren't afraid he's going to do anything mean. They think that if we just talk to him politely, he'll behave. Plus, they're worried about all of Saddam's brothers and sisters who will suffer because of our beef with him."

"I've talked to that knucklehead Saddam since first grade, and he's never admitted to anything. I'm through with talking to him. How about you Colin?" asked Georgie.

Colin replied, "Well I met with Jacques and Schroeder, they're always hanging out together. Those guys annoy me. Jacques smells funny and Schroeder always plays that little piano. Anyway, they don't want to egg Saddam. Jacques said his friend Hans has been to Saddam's house before and hasn't seen anything that proves Saddam is working on any mischief."

"Proof? What the heck is that? Those little backstabber.... Well, I don't care what anyone else thinks. We're gonna do this thing anyway. You guys in?"

"You bet, Georgie," they all exclaimed.

"Great. Donald, did you get any eggs?"

"I sure did, Georgie."

"And I got some juice and cookies!" added Condi.

So the next night, Georgie, Tony, Donald, Colin and Condi all met in front of Saddam's house, armed with dozens of eggs. They stepped onto the lawn, ready to throw, when suddenly Saddam's sprinklers went on. The freezing water made Georgie and the gang drop all their eggs and sent them scurrying away, while Saddam chuckled to himself in the window.

"Holy smokes," said Georgie. "I can't believe he got the best of us! Maybe the other kids were right. Maybe we should have just left him alone. Thank God this is only eggs and water, though. If the stakes were higher, things could have gotten ugly. Really ugly."

Andrew Rothman is a Trinity junior. His column appears every fourth Friday.