A document obtained by The Chronicle last week dispels the common myth that all public policy finals are memos. This document is the final exam for PPS 332, Introduction to the Simplest Tools of the Most Basic Policy Analysis, purported to be the most difficult course the department offers and considered the weed-out course for the public policy master's program.
When contacted by The Chronicle about his final, the course instructor, Ronald McDonald, professor of the practice of hamburgling-who brings practical, applicable, real-world experience to the discipline as one of the shining stars in the public policy constellation--was defensive about the rigor of his course and final.
"Do I hear complaints about how difficult the course is? Of course. Every year, students complain that my final is the only one that actually asks questions about what we 'learned' in the course and that every other PPS class just asks you to write some asinine memo," McDonald said. "Well, I'm sorry, but I believe students should be challenged--that's what PPS is about."
In the interest of public information and to set the record straight on whether public policy classes have intellectual content, The Chronicle has decided to publish the PPS 332 final in its entirety below:
Question 1) Please define what public policy is, what the goals of the department are and what the heck we are doing here. The best answers will be forwarded to Sanford Institute of Public Policy Director Bruce Jentleson and Provost Peter Lange since they've been trying to answer this question for years and haven't made any headway.
Question 2) In class, we spent a lot of time discussing cost-benefit analyses and game theory. Consequently, please discuss the famous "prisoner's dilemma." You should use movies such as The Shawshank Redemption as your main source.
Question 3) The football team had yet another floundering season, yet the University seems to be doing nothing about it. Pretend you are an effective Joe Alleva who has already fired Carl Franks because he sure isn't a winner. Outline a plan to make the football team win. If you have difficulty understanding this question, feel free to ask the football player sitting next to you, or ask them later during the sociology class you're in together.
Question 4) Durham gets hit with a huge, one-inch snowfall. Try to design a more ineffective response policy than that implemented by Durham Mayor Bill Bell, which mainly consisted of pointless, draconian curfews and making sure the power stays out as long as possible.
Question 5) A large part of this course is studying the effectiveness of various institutions. Along these lines, please discuss the similarities of these things: the League of Nations, Duke Student Government, the French department of war and the Weimar Republic.
After reading the final, students from all over the University were again impressed with how The Chronicle overplays the documents it obtains. They also noted that The Chronicle's staff members-half of whom major in public policy-really hope their bad sense of humor doesn't affect the grading of their final memos.
This is a joke. If you're offended, write us a memo, and maybe we'll read it or maybe we won't. Have a wonderful winter break.
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