Midnight Marauders

My favorite dates are always with my partner in crime. We're not going out or anything, but our senses of humor match up like jeans and a good pair of Pumas. My partner in crime rarely comes to dinner with me. He hardly knows my friends. He barely knows my phone number. In fact, the only thing this guy really knows is what makes me laugh--fortunately, that's usually the only thing that matters.

Our dates start on IM. "What are we doing?" he'll ask. We plot. Our rules for pranks are simple and always followed. The first rule for any good prank is that no one gets hurt, physically or otherwise. Being mean to people went out of style with those printed tights in junior high. The second rule for a tricks-as-treats is to use what's around you. Pranks are better if you don't buy anything (and perfect for a cheap date!), and they're extra-special if they take advantage of a system already in place--think Celebrity Jeopardy, or the Ninja Samurai table at the Career Fair. Pranks should also be original, although you can modify ideas implemented on other campuses, but never recycled from movies or T.V. Finally, pranks should usually have some sort of closure. It's no fun if three weeks later, people still wonder what the hell you were doing.

With these restrictions in place, we partners in crime get to work. We try to pick well-known public places: academic buildings, dining halls, fraternity sections. And we usually pick weekend nights when nothing is happening on-campus, although since the administration outlawed campus fun last year, the definition of "happening" gets a little relative. Also, before we play a prank, we park a getaway car in front of the Chapel. Even if we're not doing anything illegal, it's still fun to speed away at midnight, blaring James Brown and craving Catina.

So what kinds of pranks can you get away with at Duke? Check out these past classics and get inspired... .

Sounds in the Stacks

Pick a hiding spot in the stacks and imitate your favorite Spice Channel sound effects when someone opens the door. Make sure to stifle your giggles as they run screaming, and know that although you haven't fulfilled your unofficial grad requirements, you've now learned a sure-fire way to keep the library all to yourself.

Party Poopers

Pick a night when a party's going on in a rival frat section. Borrow party monitor tees from your friends, and grab some clipboards. Walk around the quad, stopping random freshmen to inform them of their new 11 p.m. curfew. Be sure to take down the names of potential violators, and don't forget to walk into progressive rooms and ask to see the host's I.D. If he's under 21, tell him you'll have to confiscate his liquor. Then make sure to drink it all on the quad with your friends.