Wookin' Po Nub In All Da Wong Paces

In a move of unprecedented ballsiness, Luke Fedoroff posted fliers across campus last week attempting to find "interesting people" of both sexes. Suspecting that this guy is really just thinking with his wanker, I sprung to action and sent one of my hot male cronies--appropriately dubbed "Recess Boy"--out to see if this guy really wanted to meet friends, or if he was merely looking for a hot piece of ass.

When Recess Boy contacted Fedoroff, his response to Recess Boy's friendly email was lukewarm at best. In a reply e-mail, the senior who seeks "open-mindedness" in his friends, wrote, "I'm going to be pretty busy this weekend, and I also don't just meet people, I like to talk to them first."

"You see! Luke doesn't just 'meet' people," exclaimed Recess Boy. "I'm sure Lukie really meant that he is not interested in anything but getting laid, and the whole pathetic hoax of putting up fliers was really a call from his pants, not his heart.... He did say, however, that he'd like to get to know me over IM. Strange!"

While Recess Boy may be a slightly odd--though painfully attractive--guy, I do have two suggestions about putting up personal fliers.

1) If you are going to put up how much you bench on a flier-LIE! If Luke followed this rule said he could bench 245, then he can probably only bench 200, and honestly Luke, for a guy your size, that's sad. If he didn't lie, Luke should have put up 275 or something because the average bench press at Recess is easily 325.

2) Location, location, location. If you are going to put up personal ads, put them where your audience will read them. For example, if you wanted cute girls you would put them up anywhere besides Duke; if you wanted people who were socially inept would put them in the LSRC; if you wanted to pick up on artsy chicks or dudes who don't pay attention in class, you would put it in Recess' Sandbox.

On that note, if you want to meet Recess Boy (and probably be subject to ridicule in this space), e-mail him at RecessBoy2002@yahoo.com.

Recess Boy is roughly six-feet tall--that may be a lie--and probably in the neighborhood of 180 pounds. His mother thinks he is good looking, but she is the same lady who hung his fingerpainting on the refrigerator when he was in a senior in high school. He can bench 350 pounds (see rule No. 1) and can run the 40 in 4.4 seconds. As for GPA, he claims a 4.2 and garnered a cool 1610 on his SATs.