She's got no chocolate in the bank account/ no cheese in the purse.
--Jennifer Love Hewitt, "Hey Everybody"
HEY EVERYBODY! I bet I know what Jennifer Love Hewitt did last summer! She sat around the set of The Tuxedo, coyly nudging towards the great Jackie Chan while slathering up with Neutrogena and screaming at some hopped-up, middle-aged lyricist to write some sweetly whorish crap for her new album! And I bet you can't hardly wait to call up a party of 4 of your closest friends, get bare-ass nekked and bang to the sweet sounds of "The Original J-Lo" till the kiddies come home!
That's right, folks, with the release of her third solo album, Barenaked, Love has succeeded big time in making Sarah Michelle Gellar seem that much cooler! Teeny-boppers everywhere are donning their "I Love Hewitt" -shirts as they discover the Ditsy Diva's best album since her 1995 release Let's Go Bang.
From such melodramatic masterpieces as "Can I Go Now?" to the insufferable "Avenue of the Stars," Love's newest provides us with an introspective journey into the essence of idiocy. Although a majority of the mundane lyrics beckon to the hormones of teenage boys, a nicely measured dose of insincere heartache keeps even the randiest of us in check. In the end, Barenaked leaves the listener emotionally drained and thoroughly put-off, but perhaps a quote from the title track best captures the experience: "And I just can't take it/I'm getting jaded/No I just can't fake it anymore."
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