he rumors are true. The desperately-in-need-of-post-Soviet-money Russian government has cleared Lance Bass of the pop supergroup 'NSync to be the third space tourist. We at Recess are ecstatic to see Se-or Bass say "Bye, Bye, Bye" to earth. Now, if they could just happen to forget to bring him back....
Anyway, to help fund this space odyssey, Bass needs to write a diary that will end up becoming the centerpiece for an upcoming TV special entitled "Celebrity Mission: Lance Bass." We have procured some excerpts from this diary, penned during his five-month training for the mission in Star City near Moscow. Enjoy:
Day 1: Those medical tests were wack, yo. I got more anal probes than an alien abduction victim on the Springer Show. (I kinda liked it.) Even my heart surgeon in the U.S. let his 12-year-old daughter watch the procedure so she could get an inside view of the band. That is so wack.
Day 8: I went drinking last night with my fellow cosmonauts. It was so wack how much vodka those comrades can drink. I gave the bartender a copy of Celebrity because no one over here knows who I am, which is so wack.Then he gave me this special drink, and next thing I knew, I woke up in his basement with his dog licking my balls. It was so wack.
Day 35: Man, this training is draggin'. I'm even starting to think my fellow American trainee Lori Garver is hot. Sure, she's older than those fine-ass groupies back in the States. Hell, she could probably be my mom, but I can't be choosy now. Well, mom always did wear those nice leather pants....
Day 80: Today, yo, it all made sense. This whole wack world came into focus. I'm here in Russia for the kids and that 12-year-old kid inside me... shit, here come the cosmonauts to give me another wedgie.
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