Return of Rico

Try to imagine what type of music angels play as St. Peter opens the gates of heaven.

Now, listen to the first notes of Gerardo's Fame, Sex, y Dinero (translation: fame, sex and money).

By the time Gerardo (aka "Rico Suave") wails, in true Oedipal/prison-shower fashion, "Grab your ankles just like that/ Work it mommy, work your back," several minutes into "Ta Canon," the album's opening track, I, for the first time in my life, felt as if I were ready to die.

But really, could it get any better than that?

Duh! But of course it could--the album still had 11 more tracks to go, including "Americana (Club Mix)," an 11:29 opus whose sheer brilliance makes even John Lennon sound like the bitch-ass gringo you always knew he was. Do you honestly think the Beatles could have invented a more soul-shaking ode to beer goggles than this: "Taking sips of lime tequila/ I hope in time she will see that I want her"?

It's obvious now that the 2000s already have their Sgt. Pepper's, and Gerardo, a man of singular talent whose 15 minutes have yet to come, has bestowed us with this gift. Thank you, Rico Suave.