Loser Light Show

James Downey of Columbia, Mo., is a dreamer--with way too much time on his hands. The writer/artist is soliciting the help of everyone in the world to make his latest fantasy come true. On Nov. 24, Downey wants to "paint" a red dot on the dark portion of the first quarter moon using nothing but a whole hell of a lot of everyday laser pointers. Sure, why not?

As if that guy at the movie theater "painting" his red dot on Brad Pitt's crotch isn't annoying enough, Downey is going to do him one better. In probable conjunction with at least three people, he will attempt what every physicist, astronomer and member of the general population who isn't restricted to wearing velcro shoes and eating paint chips says is impossible. But Downey's not trying to hear that. He wants to see that little red dot, dammit!

It's not even the first time he's tried. The initial effort came on Oct. 27. Guess what? It didn't work, although several people reported seeing a "red haze or halo effect," giving Downey just enough hope for another shot. Yeah, that's called crack, folks... just say "no!"

Downey calls his mission a "collaborative work of celestial art" (read: "suitable alternative to dating women") and hopes that the idea will serve as a healing gesture following the recent terrorist attacks. Good idea. Let's face it--there's nothing that brings people together better than uniting in the spirit of attempting useless crap. Kinda gives you a special feeling, doesn't it?

Besides scaring the bejesus out of an airline pilot or two, "Project Paint the Moon" is expected to achieve little else. The most likely accomplishment, of course, is the possibility that a bunch of space aliens will observe the light show and interpret it as some sort of aggressive, anti-alien taunting and, in retaliation, blow us all to kingdom come. That, or Downey and friends will just look like a bunch of dorks. Either way, it's bad.

So grab your laser pointers if you dare, but don't say that Recess didn't warn you.