Every April, the editorial pages of this newspaper are filled with columns by graduating Chronicle staffers offering their insights on the Duke experience and advice for the underclassmen. The problems with this system are obvious--after two weeks of reading multiple people telling you the same things--carpe diem, take classes you are interested in, and free speech is kinda important--you begin to tune out the message. Plus, soon-to-be alumna haven't had their advice tempered by what they've found outside the Gothic Wonderland.
After an entire five months away from the University, I am prepared to offer, without the slightest reservation, the definitive guide for enjoying life after Duke. It's so simple, it can be expressed with just three simple words:
Do not graduate.
I know you're all sold on this plan to begin with, but use caution--this is not the type of thing you share with your academic advisor, and it will take some efforts for your parents to see the merits of this proposal. Think of the possibilities--you'll get to take all of the classes you've wanted to take. Eighth-year seniors probably get some pretty sweet housing, and I hear the job market is great for quintuple majors.
I don't mean to sound like a pathetic dweeb who can't leave his Duke experience behind--the kind of person who wears his favorite jacket everywhere and looks yearningly at his bullhorn, dreaming of days gone by and walk-up lines to screw up. Obviously, this is not the case here.
When you leave Duke, some things will be better. You'll meet new people, engage in new experiences that expand your horizons, and blah, blah, blah, clichZ
For example, when you are at the University, you take for granted the sea of similarly situated people. After you graduate, when you see a Duke bumper sticker, you begin to honk wildly and wave to get the driver's attention. Meanwhile, the poor student's parents in the car next to you is calling 911 on their cell phone, convinced you are about to carjack them.
Occasionally, you'll run across a Duke "fan" in your travels. You'll soon learn that most fans are vaguely aware that Duke has a good point guard and the coach's name can't be spelled. You'll miss deep, meaningful conversations, such as whether Matt Christensen or Casey Sanders should play the five for the blue team in practice or wondering about the subliminal messages in the DZ
As a group, you aren't going to meet a much more content clique than Duke seniors. Oh sure, there's the stress of interviewing and worrying about where the next step will lead. However, the various prestigious jobs and schools talking to you are putting their best foot forward, wooing you with the prestige and rewards of their program. It's only when you get there that you realize that graduate school dictates a heckuva lot more work than undergraduate life and that there's a lot of hours that go along with those consulting and business jobs.
So let's say you are interested in graduate school. Good luck getting in--applications are up dramatically across the board as young dot-comers seek refuge from the economy in academia. And even when you get here, don't be looking for bonfires and Big Beer Night--that sense of community (and institutional priority) is usually reserved for the undergrads.
On the other hand, you could choose to find gainful employment. After four years of stretching your minds and learning at the feet of some of the world's most amazing minds, you can prepare PowerPoint slides and take orders from some of America's most ordinary bosses at America's most typical companies--if you are lucky. Considering the number of people I know who have had their jobs delayed, moved or outright eliminated, don't take anything for granted until your first day of work.
I wish I could tell you that this entire column is in the spirit of the holiday and things aren't that bad. I also wish I could give you, the undergraduates at Duke, a more reasonable solution than delaying your career aspirations and wasting your parents' money. I guess the best solution is carpe diem--enjoy your time at Duke, because the undergraduate experience is to be treasured, a unique phenomenon that can't be repeated and should be sucked dry, as the outside-the-classroom experiences are the most valuable, and the people are what you miss the most.
See, I've learned a lot in my life after Duke.
Norm Bradley, Pratt '01, is a former editorial page editor of The Chronicle and Duke Student Government head line monitor.
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