One day we'll all wake up and notice that the Hollywood action thriller has devolved into a nonstop pulse of senseless action sequences and stunts without the thrills. It will be completely devoid of any plot or dialogue, but will feature two hours of incredible stunts set to pounding music. And if that isn't entertaining enough, there's always the beautiful actors slinking around in black Armani ready for their next photogenic close-up before gearing up for a scene of computer-generated Kung Fu.
Alas, that day of enlightenment is way off. And even then, the purely stunt flick would earn a profit, because there's no accounting for taste in this country.
In the meantime, we have stylistic but brainlessly empty entertainment like M:I-2 to thrill the people who categorize kick-boxing and car chases as high drama. I like action movies, and John Woo is a particularly capable director, but here he's just become part of a ridiculous franchise that's proved to be a publicity vehicle for Tom Cruise.
Don't believe me? Remember the television series Mission Impossible? It was about spies and high technology, and it had a cast of characters who specialized in cool secret agent stuff. The only secret agent here is Tom Cruise, who apparently specializes only in coolness.
The plot is no more coherent than that of the first installment. Ethan Hunt, secret agent and amateur
It seems that something's gone awry at a pharmaceutical company in Sydney, Australia. One of their research scientists has turned up dead, but even more importantly, the deadly virus and the antidote he was carrying are now missing! Hunt and the gang discover that Sean Ambrose (Dougray Scott, of Ever After and the miniseries Arabian Nights), their old nemesis, is behind the murder. Watch out for those secret agents gone bad!
There's one catch, however, on this mission. Hunt must recruit Nyah Hall (Thandie Newton), a civilian and professional thief. They're in bed within the first 20 minutes of the movie, and it's neither romantic nor particularly sexy. Woo tossed in this contrived romance to add a little feminine sex appeal to this throbbing heap of machismo. Someone needs to tell directors that sensuality doesn't necessarily ensue when two good-looking people stare at each other across satin sheets.
Instead of employing her for her thieving skills, the Anthony Hopkins character (we don't know his name) divulges that she is Ambrose's ex-girlfriend and is to be used as such to get information-wink wink. Poor Miss Newton spends most of her time sultrily eyeing people from under her eyelashes.
For all the spy fun to be had in this movie, it's a little too serious for its own good. The slight playfulness between Newton and Cruise takes a turn towards the melodramatic-ugh, please, this is a spy movie, not Romeo and Juliet. Dougray Scott, the villain of the piece, spends most of his time glowering beneath his eyebrows. But I'll give credit where it's due-his baddie is a lot more interesting than the two-dimensional Hunt.
The stunts here are trademark John Woo. He knows how to make fighting look good. Dress a guy up in black leather, give him a black motorcycle and pull out the slow motion effect anytime someone reaches for his gun. It's all very sleek and stylish, but Tom Cruise kickboxing in the air Matrix-style and executing backflips is just laughable-Jackie Chan he is not.
Robert Towne's screenplay should assume some of the responsibility for this package of hollow hipster mayhem. "Damn, you're beautiful," and "Are you gonna spank me?" are not lines I'd expect from the man who wrote Chinatown. He wrote the last MI too, so I'm wondering if he actually ever watched the television series.
M:I-2 is sleek, noisy, brain-dead nonsense, but not without its sense of fun, I suppose. All the same, I don't blame Sir Anthony for not wanting his name on the cast list.
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