Like most people, Brandon Cox knows that his parents love him. He knows they care about what happens in his life and that, in many ways, they support him as their son. But the Trinity senior also knows that, in one very key way, they decided not to help him.
When Cox went home to South Carolina during spring break of his junior year, he told his parents he was gay. Their reaction was anything but accepting, and the consequences have been everything but easy. "They weren't very supportive of my lifestyle choice, so they decided not to fund my college education as a result," he said.
"It's what I expected to happen," Cox said. "It played a role in the delay of my coming out to my parents."
Like a small handful of students every year, Cox headed back to Durham with the added burden of paying for the remainder of his Duke career.
James Belvin, director of undergraduate financial aid, said that parents do occasionally decide to stop supporting children while in college, although such cases aren't common. "It certainly does come up occasionally for students," he said, noting that it usually happens over the summer.
Belvin added that reasons for severing financial ties "range from the absurd to the sublime."
"There was a case where the parents cut off the child because [the student] became a Republican and was raised in a Democratic family," he said. "In one case, the parents had joined a cult and the child didn't want to."
When Cox started looking for ways to pay for his education, he went to his financial aid advisor and began to work out a solution. Luckily, his parents had already filled out and returned the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, or FAFSA, and the College Scholarship Services' Profile form, both required by the financial aid office to determine a student's aid eligibility. "If you don't file that paperwork, you're not issued a financial aid package," Cox said. "Those forms are a pre-requisite for financial aid."
Cox was able to finish his Duke career, but not without some added burdens. "The way the need was met was initially by maximizing the amount of loans I needed to take and then by meeting the rest of the need with funds that were at Duke's discretion," he said.
Not all are as lucky. When contact between student and parent completely stops and the parents refuse to file the forms, Belvin said, "There's little we can do. One of the things both federal and institutional funding is based on is that the family will pay a certain amount."
There is currently no set policy for dealing with students who are financially deserted by their parents. The one slim option available to students is declaring "independent" status. But Belvin noted that federal guidelines for this status are quite explicit, requiring that the applicant either be at least 24 years old, a military veteran, married or have at least one dependent.
When a student cannot declare independence or file financial aid forms, Belvin said his office can only direct the students to the student loan office, where they can take out unsubsidized, privately underwritten loans to finance their educations. "It is very difficult and unusual for us to act in loco parentis," he said.
Because of the stress such a situation might put on a student, Belvin also recommends that she or he seek counseling and advice from the University's Counseling and Psychological Services office. "I always encourage the students to slow down, take their breath, talk to the people at CAPS and take a look at the issue to see if it's worth rupturing the relationship with the parents over," he said.
John Barrow, assistant director of CAPS, said many students come to him before ties have been cut. "In many cases the worry and anticipation of the parents taking a rigid stance is a bit overstated," he said. "But not in all cases."
Robin Buhrke, the coordinator of gay, lesbian and bisexual services at CAPS, said, "I think that a lot of the time students think very carefully about disclosing anything to their parents, including their sexual orientation." She encourages them to evaluate the information they have that makes them think that their parents might cut them off financially. She also suggests they explore alternative avenues of emotional support once the parental relationship is severed.
Cox said it was difficult when his financial status at the University was in question. "The deadline for having my bursar's bill was up and I still hadn't heard from the financial aid office [about] how my increased need was going to be met, and that was certainly stressful," he said. He said he would like to see "an explicit policy to deal generally with parents who choose not to fund their children's education and specifically when that issue deals with sexual orientation."
One step he sees in that direction is the newly formed Carolinas Scholarship for Gay and Lesbian students. The scholarship is the first of its kind at Duke, and will benefit a lesbian, gay bisexual, or transgender student from North or South Carolina who applies for and demonstrates need to the University's financial aid office.
Despite the stress and uncertainty, Cox said he does not regret coming out to his parents. His relationship with his parents remains strained, but is getting better. "You can only start to deal with these issues when you start to talk about them with the people you care about."
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