PARENTS' WEEKEND - The Grid Pickers had no choice but to stay in town and entertain, as their parents descended upon Durham for a weekend to remind them just how much there is to do in this sacred town.
Rachel "I've gone lo" Cohen treated her parents to a typical Saturday afternoon in Durham-babysitting.
"Hey dad, you can sit in the car seat on the way there. It's actually legal for me to hold your hand."
We think that Albert "last but not" Lee "st"'s parents were coming, but we're not quite sure.
Brian "Israel used to be called" Kane "an" was too busy making random comparisons to notice mom and dad.
"You know, if you really think about it, Chris Combs is a lot like Stevie Wonder. Alright, now I've managed to fit Ric Flair, Travolta, NASCAR and everyone from ESPN into my stories."
Barrett "Stop looking at my" Peterson brought along his 123 brothers and sisters, who occupied the entire Page Auditorium for the family dinner. They were eating beans but damnit if one didn't get stuck in Barrett's ear again.
Everyone was just curious to meet the parents of Yvonne "Rodriguez" Krywyj. After three years of knowing Yvonne, the Grid Pickers were anxious to meet her mom and dad. Sorry, we can't think of anything to say.
Neal "I'm buried in a" Morgan was happy to have plans for the weekend.
"With my parents in town, I have a date for tonight as long as my dad is willing to share."
Dave Schepard "on me for talking so damn much" was so proud to show his parents that he had kissed up enough to get himself on the Duke Basketball Report.
"Did you see DBR? Did you see DBR?" Schepard asked.
"No," his parents responded, as they quickly reboarded a plane for New York.
Zach Davis "ticked off right now" was busy walking around Wallace Wade Stadium with news for everyone.
"Hey, guess what, I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend."
Joel Israel "ly changed Grid Picks after Davis wrote it" and his parents were busy trying to scalp their ALCS tickets.
"Come on, it's at the Ballpark," Tina and Steve said. "We're just glad that King kid graduated. He was a bad influence, always talking about that personal love stuff."
Adam "ola Okulaja" Ganz was too ticked off about Grid Picks grammar to worry about his parents.
"I got an email from my brother that says it's wrong to ever split infinitives," Ganz said. "I'm going to have to write another letter to the staff."
Jess "I have a big black" Moulton tried to get her parents to explain sports.
"I don't even understand the concept of two teams competing," Moulton said. "After all, I didn't have an opponent when I ran for editor."
"Impeach N" Anya Sostek was complaining, again.
"I can't believe you only gave me eight inches for my field hockey preview," Sostek said. "Plus I didn't get to write about Peppi Browne, or even go to the press conference. How come I'm never included?"
"Man, she complains about everything," Tylwalk said. "I've got two words for her..."
After pleading to be in Grid Picks for months, "Ghetto" Sue "perstar" Wasiolek realized it wasn't really that great.
"The only nickname I like is Peterson's," Wasiolek said. "Does this mean students will like me when I ban bonfires again?"
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.