Last summer, Scott Schoeneweis beat cancer. It was the biggest victory of the sophomore pitcher's young life.
But now comes the hard part -- putting things back together on the baseball field.
"I got through the hardest part -- this should be the easy part," Schoeneweis said. "But it's kind of been the opposite right now."
Though Schoeneweis knows that he is lucky to be alive, he also remembers his freshman year on the diamond. He was the ace of the Blue Devil staff, posting a 12-3 record, a 3.12 era and 110 strikeouts. He was named to the Mizuno Freshman All-American Team. After just one season, he looked like the most talented pitcher ever to don the royal blue and white.
His numbers this season aren't bad -- a 3-0 record in 30 innings. After Schoeneweis gave up two earned runs and eight hits in six innings last Wednesday against Campbell, Duke head coach Steve Traylor called it his best performance in quite some time. Still, Schoeneweis is a shadow of the pitcher he once was.
"It's a tough position for him to be in when you're accustomed to the success he's had," Traylor said. "There are some people up there getting some good hacks against him that normally would be embarrassing themselves.
"But to go out there and know you don't have your best stuff, take some lumps and go try to help your team, try to work yourself back into condition --that's courage to me. I love him for going out there."
Schoeneweis' body has yet to completely recover from its fight against cancer. He is missing muscle mass which, doctors say, he might not regain until next year. He lacks the stamina to go nine innings, as he often did last year.
"I'm really screwed up -- my mechanics are screwed up, my velocity is down and mentally, I just don't have the confidence," Schoeneweis said. "But I went to the doctor the other day and he said, `It's amazing that you're even out there.' I'm just glad to be alive, glad to be able to play the game. That's just how I have to think about it these days."
On the mound, though, with the ball in his left hand, Schoeneweis knows he cannot challenge hitters as he once could.
"I'm just kind of down on myself -- I'm having a rough time right now," Schoeneweis said. "I wasn't really prepared for failure. My record doesn't show it, but personally, I just don't think I'm pitching well.
"I worked way harder than I've ever worked in my life right now, and the results aren't there. And that's just really tough for me to deal with right now. It's tough to explain. You go from being on the top of the world and I felt like I was struck down.
"What I do best was taken away."
Schoeneweis hasn't been able to spot his pitches, throw the 0-2 slider, or get ground outs this season. His prospects for a bright future and a long baseball career are of little consolation on the mound right now, with hitters staring back from the plate.
"There's nothing I can do about it," Schoeneweis said. "There's no medicine you can take, there's nothing that can be a catalyst for your energy or anything like that. I kind of have to deal with it. It'll get out of my system when it's ready to get out of my system."
In the meantime, the struggle for Schoeneweis continues. The victories will come slowly, gradually, with time.
"I'll take the ball every four days and hopefully, I'll just keep getting lucky," Schoeneweis said. "I can grit my teeth after giving up a couple of home runs --`Glad I'm alive, great to be alive...' But I mean, bottom line -- to put it blatantly -- that's what it comes down to. I'm able to be out there and not six feet under."
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