Before I write a column suggesting a radical change to an integral part of Duke’s sports-related culture, I ask myself an important question: Would a 17-year-old version of me still have chosen Duke if this change had happened before I applied? If yes, I write the column. If no, I don’t. Pretty simple.
Obviously, it’s self-centered, but that’s okay. I like to think that the 17-year-old version of me is a fair representation of the type of high school kid who decides to come to Duke—I liked sports too much, and my grandmother spent most of my formative years telling me that I had to do well in school so I could be a doctor.
So for instance, I once wrote a column about how students should have to pass a basketball aptitude test before attending any games in Cameron Indoor Stadium. Would 17-year-old me have given his approval? Absolutely, because he would have studied hard enough to pass. Going to basketball games is why he came to this school in the first place.
Similarly, 17-year-old me also would’ve approved of columns calling for Coach K to step down as basketball coach and take over as athletic director, for Tailgate to be moved from the Blue Zone to Main West (he would have been confused by the capitalization of Tailgate) and for first-year student-athletes to take a mandatory redshirt year.
So when I write what I’m about to write, it’s not because I’m a 24-year-old loser who doesn’t remember what it’s like to have fun anymore since I haven’t actually had fun since I graduated two years ago. And it’s not because I’m a third-year medical student who recognizes now that some things that seem fun are actually dangerous and possibly life-threatening (see: Shooters II). It’s because 17-year-old me is on board with what I’m about to write.
Krzyzewskiville has got to go. Confusing walk-up line policies have got to go. It’s time for basketball attendance policies that make sense.
Why do students have to line up for basketball games in a super-duper line with a web page, 16 different rules and its own Twitter acount (@dukekville [1])? Why do we have to have rules like, “Tarps are not allowed to be stretched over the top of multiple tents” and “Tenters will not be permitted more than 2 medium-sized tents at any time?” What’s a medium-sized tent anyway?
Why can’t students just, you know, line up in a regular old kindergarten line with a line-leader and a caboose?
It looks like Head Line Monitor Zach White (Why is there a position called Head Line Monitor?) is open to changing some things, which is good.
But changing some things isn’t good enough. Changing some things means piling even more new rules on top of the old rules when the whole process of waiting in line for basketball games has gotten too complicated. Maybe the reason Cameron isn’t as full as Coach K wants it to be is not that people think that all the games are full—anyone who has ever turned on their television during a home basketball game or read The Chronicle knows that’s not the case—but because its just too hard to figure out the rules.
Is this a tenting game, or is it a walk-up game? Can I get in line with just one other friend, or can I get in line with five other friends? How many of us have to be there at any one time? When do I get my wrist band? Wait, is this the senior game? If I’m in the IM Building going to the bathroom and they call a check, will I have to go to the back of the line, or do I get to miss one check for this game? What if I’m getting a smoothie, then do I have to go to the back of the line? Is my tent too big? Do these pants make my butt look fat?
I’m not saying that Duke students aren’t smart enough to answer all of those questions. Obviously, enough of them get it to almost fill up the student section. And everyone could figure it out with a minimum of effort. But that’s the problem: Just figuring out the line-up policies takes effort. And clearly, that’s effort that enough people aren’t willing to put in.
On top of that, all those rules just make it easier for a few tenters to show up in mid-December. The rules provide a solution for all of their problems. Class? Only one of 12 people have to be there during the day! Refusal to sleep outside every night for a month? Only six of 12 have to be there at night! Snow? Cold? Mandatory grace when there’s two inches of snow on the ground, or the temperature drops below 20 degrees!
So here’s what I’m saying: Toss K-ville and its rules, and replace it with a line. Everyone stands in line. Two hours before game time, you walk into the stadium in order. Get there whenever you want, but once you get there, you have to stay there. If it’s absolutely necessary, let everyone in line have a partner, so that only one of the two people has to be there at a given time. But that’s it.
Sure they won’t be able to put pictures of Krzyzewskiville on the admissions website to show how totally cool Duke’s student activities are, but 17-year-old me still would have come here. And that’s what counts.
Links:
[1] http://twitter.com/dukekville