Imagine what it was like to be alive 30 years ago. The U.S. profitably made cars. Only a few million Americans were embarrassingly fat. But the 70s weren't just good times: We didn't have DVDs, TiVo and, most importantly, the Internet. We didn't have Facebook, Craigslist or the dozens-DOZENS-of other important Web sites that keep college students from doing the real work that will lead us to a lifetime of complaining about how we're still looking for a job.

Well, this week we've been able to experience college the way our parents did, as Internet service on campus was interrupted several times this week. In a way, this is good news, because it indicates administration streamlining; the crack operatives in charge of ePrint and hiring C2 bus drivers have taken over IT. But, on the whole, this board is strongly against campus Internet scarcity, because a movement toward less Internet means less Twittering.

You may be asking yourself, "what is Twitter?" Google CEO Eric Schmidt said it was the "poor man's e-mail system" (But what does he know? He just runs the only solvent company in America!). Twitter is actually a social networking program made entirely of 140 character long messages you send to your friends about what you're doing. These are called "tweets." That's it.

Seriously.

You can connect to your tweetheart and write tweet nothings over the Internet tubes. You can meet new friends: a tweet and greet! You can reconnect to an old enemy and make a peace tweety. Best of all, Twitter's symbol is a little bird on a branch-a Tweety Bird! But, in all seriousness, what good does Twitter do for a college student?

Well, it's said that if you give a monkey a typewriter, given enough time, he'll type the works of Shakespeare. Give a man Twitter, given enough time, he'll still be telling you the dumb stuff he did before lunch today. Honestly, though, that's what the Internet is all about: Keeping tabs on everyone you know, all the time, via sentence-long communication.

Old social networks are bust. MySpace was a poorly designed mess (Disclosure: we do not know this from personal experience-nobody uses MySpace except bands and 13 year olds. Just kidding, those "13 year olds" are actually well-disguised pedophiles!). With Facebook, we have pictures of ourselves and little status updates where we tell people what we were doing in 140 characters or less. But with Twitter we have little status updates where we-

Regardless, Twitter certainly is the way of the future, and is attracting new adherents all the time. Even John McCain and Karl Rove use Twitter, and their entire careers are based around appealing to senior citizens! These modern times may look grim, but Twitter is an improvement over the past. After all, while Rome burned, all Nero could do was fiddle. While Wall Street crumbles. we can tweet!

In case it wasn't clear, this is a joke edit. Have a great Spring Break!