Finals week. Which means that it’s time to get pumped up—not because you want to, but because you need to. Worried and meek is no way to approach the end-game. Just ask Bill Bellichick.

Good Internet videos ooze inspiration. Below you will find only the finest exam-week watches—videos assured to inspire you in all the necessary ways. They’re not ranked, because who is a humble columnist to draw distinctions among the sublime?

Duke Countdown to Craziness Dunk Contest Round 2 (YouTube): This clip gets the nod over a bunch of other Duke basketball options because of one man: Olek Czyz. Skip ahead to the 2:40 mark to see a stunning dunk from another alarmingly unathletic Blue Devil. But it’s not about the bucket. Olek’s “vroom, vroom motorcycle!” celebratory strut is the single most moving piece of performance art this University has seen in years. Sorry, Classical Theatre of Harlem. Godot got Czyzed on.

Video Review—The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Spill.com): You’re a bright person, and so you’re puzzled by “Twilight.” Why would anyone read a book composed of nothing but adverbs, sighs and rain? Why would anyone watch movies based on a series of such books—even if said films feature a brooding hunk like Kristen Stewart? As our most astute critics have shown, the whole thing’s not even so much puzzling as it is grounds to drink until you pass out.

There’s hope. The lads at movie review site Spill.com take on “New Moon” in a zippy animated audio review. In the process, they manage to dismantle the entire abstinence/vampire/adverb phenomenon mercilessly, profoundly, wittily—you may now sigh happily. If such a spectacle does not inspire you, you’re probably a 14 year-old girl.  

Samuel L. Jackson­—Snakes on a Plane (Youtube): The ranks of true film classics offer no shortage of rousing speeches that provide an instant boost powerful enough to impart the martial confidence one needs to walk right up to an exam and kick its ass. Mel Gibson in “Braveheart,” Al Pacino in “Any Given Sunday” and Jon Belushi in “Animal House” all offer true tearjerkers that ready us for battle even as they tug at our heartstrings. How to winnow the field down to that one perfect, touching cinematic moment?

There was once a freshman dorm where, very briefly, Samuel L. Jackson was the guiding light. Fifteen or so young, dedicated souls stayed up unnecessarily late the night before they were all to disperse for Thanksgiving break to do one crucial thing: watch Samuel L. Jackson deliver a 13-second monologue. Were they willing to sit through most of the 105 minutes of “Snakes on a Plane” to get there? Like any bunch of self-respecting zealots, they were prepared to sacrifice, and they did. Camaraderie and devotion to an ideal are powerful things—inspiring, even.

But you don’t have to sacrifice. Enjoy this short and sweet dandy: It is the best work of the only actor in history who can talk for less than 15 seconds and gross $62 million at the worldwide box office in the process. When you reach the point at which Jackson declares that he’s about “to open some [fragrant] windows,” I promise you one thing: You may not be any more ready for your polisci final, but you’ll no longer have any doubt about how best to get rid of “these [melon-farming] snakes on this [melon-farming] plane!”

Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No (FunnyOrDie.com): In June 1970, Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Dock Ellis threw a complete-game no-hitter against the San Diego Padres. During the entire game, Ellis was tripping on LSD.

This clever animated short from the good people at No Mas TV features a voice-over retelling by Ellis himself, in which he candidly describes what exactly it takes to pitch a “no-no” while exploring the inner depths of one’s consciousness: grit, determination and a willingness to deal with a baseball that might go from massive to tiny with no warning.

Of all the inspirational true stories in circulation, this one might take the cake: Anyone can apparently do anything at any time under any circumstances. If Dock Ellis can make such a psychedelic mockery of the passe notion that you have to earn your glory, chances are that you, too, can be wildly irresponsible about your preparation and still come out a finals week winner.

Connor Southard is a Trinity sophomore. This is his final column of the semester.