“I have this irrational fear of saying ‘hi’ to people on campus when I’m not sure that they recognize me.  It’s really stressful. I’m seeking therapy.” —D, Trinity ’12

I know what you’re thinking. “Holy diver, Kousha! Not another one of those ‘hey, look. people are awkward’ columns. I’m just coming off of a great Halloween and you’re killing my buzz.” First of all, if you’re still feeling a buzz from Halloween, please seek medical help. And don’t fear: I want to talk about where this stigma of interaction comes from, and why it isn’t actually as big of a deal as we make it seem.

Imagine this: you’re sitting on the C-2 when you see-one old acquaintance (get it??). Except you only know them from freshman year when you studied together for an Econ 51 test. You’re afraid of getting into a forced and pointless conversation. Or worse, you’ll make eye contact, and you’ll receive a gut-wrenching stare of disgust from him, the others around him, the bus driver, and you’ll get a permanent mark on your transcript labeling you as a social invalid (it shows up right next to the Pratt insignia). Fearing this rejection, you bury your face in an issue of The Chronicle (these situations are why most kids take copies of The Chronicle in the first place). You choose to avoid attention.

Now imagine this: you’re on the C-2 on Halloween night wearing a homemade costume: You are the boy from “Where the Wild Things Are” and I... I mean you... spent three days and $20 making it. (You also may have forced your residents to eat a box of popsicles because they provided the sticks used to make claws for your costume and it could count as a resident assistant program). You see the same acquaintance from Econ class. You are on cloud nine because you think you have the best costume, and he’s feeling great because he’s a little tipsy. You both make eye contact, and the conversation goes like this:

You: “Hi.”

Him: “Hi. Nice costume.”

You: “Thanks.”

What’s the difference between these two scenarios? First, on Halloween night you were both a little more confident (he was just plain drunk while you were drunk off of how well you resembled a 10-year-old movie character). Secondly, on regular days you expected that there had to be a forced conversation; on Halloween night, you were fine with a simple greeting. The night is a success!

It would seem that the solution to our lack of communication would be to develop self-confidence. While I completely agree with this idea, my simply telling you to be more confident isn’t going to make it happen. So instead, let’s talk about where our inhibitions come from.

It definitely starts as a function of our cramped situation on campus. There is no escape: we live, eat, work and shower with the same people (especially shower). Our awkward experiences are bound to abound. As a result, it’s possible to live in two extremes where someone feels obligated to talk to everyone and yet fears being rejected by anyone.

A lot of the conversations we hear on the C-1 aren’t really fruitful in the first place. Instead of feeling the urge to tell everyone what we did last weekend, maybe we should understand that not everyone always feels like talking. If we seek others only to fulfill some quota of gratification, it’s possible that we’re making too big a deal of retelling the same story to everyone we know and every other bystander who is forced to listen. Sometimes people just like to keep to themselves.

On the other extreme, sometimes a simple “hi” is enough to alleviate our fear of rejection. If you’re on the C-2 and you’re afraid of not having anything to talk about with the acquaintance, just try saying “hi” and leaving it at that. In fact, the next time you’re on the bus, turn to the person sitting next to you and just say “hi.” Bus rides would become infinitely more enjoyable for everyone if we felt comfortable enough to exchange hello’s with the person we’re wedged against at 8:15 in the morning.

D’s uncertainty about interacting with others helps us find a way to alleviate what is undue stress. If you need a strategy for approaching these situations, here’s one: Stare people down. If they make eye contact, smile and say hi. If they say nothing, go back to your Chronicle. And feel ok knowing that it’s no big deal. Life goes on. Constant recognition from others is not what builds the quality of your character.

But you know who is always there for you to say hi to? Me. Because I’ll be at the bus stop every Thursday from 1 to 2:30 p.m., ready to talk. And I promise I won’t pretend like I don’t know you.

Kousha Navidar is a Trinity senior. His column runs every other Tuesday.